Dear Diary,

Okay, I might be depressed. Perhaps I have been depressed my whole life, and I'm just kidding myself to think I'll ever be any different.

I told you I went and saw Jim, and Simon wasn't there. Well I was fully prepared to go and talk to Simon if he was there, to make up, to be friends again. Only Simon wasn't there when I stopped by.
Jim must have given him my phone number (apparently both Jim and Simon got new phones while I was busy not talking to them and lost my number-), because Simon called the next day. All would have been well had he not left a message for me, something to the effect of, "Hi Duck, haven't talked to you in awhile, don't know if you are still pissed at me, but you know-- if you are-- you should get over it already."

Uh, yeah, so I was this close to saying, okay, I think I can hang out with Simon again, I can move on from the time that he tried to molest me and didn't listen to me... I can accept that he made a mistake and people aren't perfect and he's sorry... and then he leaves me a stupid message like that. That just pissed me off- it kind of takes away the fact that he ever felt sorry-- it kind of feels like he doesn't care about my feelings at all, and I should "get over" the fact that he's trying to get up my shirt, remove my bra, kiss me and hump me in his apartment when we are alone. Fuck you Simon.

That's not even my biggest peeve; life just feels hard, harder since everything with Elaine, and I feel more isolated than ever. I feel totally unsupported by the universe, and I'm tired of struggling, and sometimes I don't know why I bother doing anything.

Sounds like depression, doesn't it?

Other random facts: I sent CuteBoy two CDs that I made, I know I've been kind of ignoring him, not out of spite but out of extreme depression and disinterest, but I did at one time say that I would send him CDs and I'm a woman of my word, even if he is a dick and only tells women he loves them because he wants to sleep with them, and then falls out of love when he can't get sex.

I haven't heard much from Byron and haven't made much effort to contact him either. I guess whatever was going on with us died... and I don't know why.. it just happend one day out of the blue. Who knows why people act the way they do.

I'm really struggling with work. Have had a few deadlines that I've just barely met. Seems my creative juices have dried up.

Well, I'll see you when I see you.

Love,
Duck

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