Dear Diary,

Well, an interesting day I suppose. I went and got my eyebrows done, and I am convinced my eyebrow lady hates me. She seems like a very miserable person in general. I wonder if she is angry because I only tip a couple of dollars, but how much should I tip on a $6 service? Once I saw another lady tip $5, but that seems a little excessive to me- does eyebrow lady really expect me to tip almost 100%? That's crazy... why don't they just charge $11 then? Today I tipped her an extra dollar but that didn't even create a ripple.

I ran my errands and met with Ava. I have not seen her in months and months- her mom died around the same time M and I separated. I told her some of the details about M and she said, "Well, it seems like it was for the best, I mean, it was like he could never hold you with both arms."

This was slightly disturbing to me as I don't remember sharing that much with Ava, and she had never actually met M in person, so it made me feel weird, that it was so obvious to someone else how our relationship wasn't working? Just makes me judge myself, maybe, about how blind I could be... but that's what they say about love, right? Granted, I can see the situation with Steffy and how unfulfilled she is... maybe other people could see right through me, no matter how enchanted I was with M, that I was waiting for something I wasn't getting.

Makes me feel very vulnerable and feeling vulnerable feels SCARY.

Huh.

Then went to work and only two people showed for my presentation, which was a bit disappointing but I tried to carry on as if it were no big deal.

On the way home I had another anxiety attack, still related to feeling completely lost and alone. It is not as bad as it used to be, but I don't like the way it feels. Red and Keith were not available, so I called Russell and we had a nice long chat- and we didn't talk about Alphie AT ALL, which was nice.

My weekend schedule is pretty damn full, so nothing to complain about there. The Universe seems to be conspiring with me to pay off my credit card and fill up my bank account! Hooray!

So, I need to go to bed because I have an early day starting...

Love,
Duck

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