Dear Diary,

Well today was busy. The usual story with sleep (the sun rises at 5am, btw) so why go into it? But then as soon as I'm up, I'm on the go... I cleaned a little bit, and did some laundry, had a conference call, went to the grocery store... oh, and called the power and gas company.

Because since Keith has been here he has been saying, "I smell gas. You're stove is leaking propane!" Never mind that I don't have a propane stove. But he would go on and on about it, and yesterday, "This gas leak is getting worse!" Never mind that I don't smell a goddamn thing, but Keith then insists that I must be used to it. Well. I'm not THAT tired.

So I called the emergency number for gas leaks, and explained the (not)-problem, just because I wanted Keith to shut the fuck up.

Okay. So I was in a bit of a bad mood, because I woke up to a message from Irinia. SHE's all pissed at me, apparently, because I didn't word something correctly in an email- she basically said she wants it worded XYZ, to promote her thing- and that's the reason she's doing this, because she doesn't need to be promoting me-

This girl better go to marketing school, because she has lost her fucking mind. Here's the lowdown. She approached ME and said she wanted to sponsor me to do a presentation in her space. I say great, then here's how it works: whoever comes from you gets 30%. Then she says, oh I don't like to get picky about who comes from who... so she's saying she wants 30% of everybody? Then she's on my back about promoting MYSELF- so she can get 30% of all my people? That just fucking doesn't make sense. Then I'm getting calls, and emails, about how she is dissatisfied with how I'm marketing to MY people? Today's message, "I guess you just really don't understand me."

Uh, no, bitch, I don't. I don't think anybody understands you, because you are not making any fucking sense. If YOU want to be promoted, then we should have done it the other way around. I should be sponsoring YOU, to MY list, and then you give me a percentage. But your way doesn't make sense.

But you know what Irinia? I just don't have the fucking time today. I have a guy in my house who is a great friend, but can barely get himself together. So I have to make sure he gets himself ready for the executive party tonight, plus clean my house because he is bringing clients in here nearly every day, and I'm continuously picking up his trail. I have to do laundry today, buy supplies for the party and have a conference call AND call fucking gas and power so I can convince said friend that the house is not going to blow up, but, mostly just so I will not have to hear about this GAS LEAK and I can have an IOTA of peace in my life.

Uh. Yeah. Angry much? You bet I am. I changed some text on my website and email, and then I did what I needed to do. I didn't bother calling Irinia back because really, she is last on my list. She is sweet but confused, and does not make herself clear, and okay if this joint venture doesn't go then I am FINE with it... and also I will need to tell her exactly how UNCLEAR she is... and misinformed... and I don't ever, ever want to do this again.

The gas and power guys came, they checked the stove and the meter and all the pipes they could, and nothing was wrong. Well Keith was all surprised but whatever, I think he has the tendency to get a little delusional and this just goes to prove it. He may have some kind of OCD or something, because I noticed now that he has this little crush on Steffy, he talks about her like she may have similar feelings for him or that something might happen, but he's the one that has to be in control (Uh, DELUSION- they live thousands of miles away from each other, he is too old for her and NOT her type by any means... I'm sure she has not even given it a thought). He also finds a way to bring her into random conversation, like someone who has a crush usually does. Between that and this imaginary gas leak... can I get a little sympathy here, people?

Executive party went well and I managed to survive the night! (Keith remarked that I sure get a lot done on very little sleep. I replied, "Well I really don't have a choice.")

I saw Jerry- he got a haircut and is still kind of yummy to me... rather affectionate as I hugged him a lot and we talked about him coming over again and maybe even snuggling up and watching a movie. Now I don't know if you would call Jerry my type- he is kind of overweight, but there is something really cute and cuddly about him (but not at all unmanly). He can also dance like a m*therf*cker and even though he sweats buckets, I like that in a man.

Also, I saw Swing- kinda surprised that he showed up. It was all okay, he acts cooler than he is, but that's no surprise. I was really so busy that I didn't have much issue with it at all.... but we were friendly and I don't feel anything sticky with him.

Will was also there. This last week I had ignored him for a long time, and then talked to him on the phone a couple days ago- it was weird, because he said he met a girl that he liked, and it could possibly work out, but he didn't feel good about himself. Then he still brought up things like wanting to give me another massage-possibly with oil- and also going to the movies. So I'm not sure what that means, and not really sure that I should care... I probably shouldn't have been so dismissive of him... he's a great guy... but I just don't feel much of a spark. Also he has issues reminiscent of several of my exes- being really hard on himself and not loving himself enough. I used to think I could love somebody through that, but I realize it can't be done. Let some other fool woman who thinks she has superpowers try that one.

Speaking of exes, yesterday at a presentation a woman remarked to me that she knows Frank, as a colleague, and she had told him that she'd seen me at several meetings and he was all excited and happy to mention me by name. For those that don't know, Frank is my ex that dumped me back in 2004, after some pretty bad behavior- ugh- I still can't think about it- but let's just say he did NOT respect me. I still have trouble, obviously, getting over the anger I have at him. For instance, every year I think about wishing him a happy birthday, in July. I never do. And I bought a Christmas card for him, two or three years ago, maybe as a peace offering? I don't know. I've never sent it- the thing is still in the drawer. I might still be too angry.

And, more on the exes- even though I haven't yet responded to Alphie's invitation to "get together" this coming month, he sent me a friend request on FB. Uh, I don't think so. He will do the same thing he did to me on MySpace, which is to "steal" every single friend of mine to try to create The Profile With The Most Friends. This may be my angriest entry ever- but sorry- I just believe Alphie is a user and I really have trouble trusting him. I know I may eventually see him (I think we are both signing up to go to a training in July- it just might be inevitable) but there is really no reason for me to make my life more complicated. Really, when I think about it, my life has been better these last two years as a result of blocking Alphie out. A lot less drama and hurt feelings, you bet.

A sweet spot in the day- a little texting back and forth with Elliot. He said he was sorry I wasn't sleeping, and that if it helped he could tell me how much he enjoyed our ice cream walk and how pretty I am. (It's a game we play). I said yes, most certainly go for it.

Today I got this message:

"i loved getting ice cream and it's man and woman significance our shapes had, I liked when pieces of your nut bar's chocolate shell fell off and the consternation that caused. I liked our touch and hugs. How comfy we were that way. Was looking forward to when you almost inevitably relax completely and go limp in my arms and against my chest. That's always fun and feels good.

Liked our discussion and stories. Was fun being the guy walking down the street with the yellow-bedecked curvy-hottie-witty Duckie. Weeee!"

Wow. Too bad Elliot is Elliot, cause that was kinda sweet.

That's it for now.

Love,
Duck

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