Dear Diary,

Sorry to be MIA... You know how things can get out of hand, how a Duck can get tired...

Wednesday night I worked- yay! I'll be able to pay my rent! That is good stuff. I just have to deposit my checks in the bank, today, in crappy weather. Oh well oh well.

Yesterday I was having difficulty getting motivated to do anything. I woke up fairly early, and was feeling pressured because I had it on my calendar that I was supposed to be meeting Evelina. Well then I called her an hour or two before we were supposed to meet, and it turns out she is still out of town visiting her family. Uh, thanks for telling me! I think Evelina is getting flakier and flakier. She keeps talking about all these new yoga and tai chi classes she is taking but it actually sounds like she is involved in some kind of cult!

So that was canceled, and I figured what is the point of paying for a bus pass to go into town to deposit something in the bank anyhow? So I told myself to forget it. Not to mention my phone bill was due and I thought I might go to the phone store in town and pay the bill rather than mail it. But I was too lazy to do that too. So I took the bill to the post office and mailed the check- the bill is actually due today, so I hope that I do not get charged a late fee because technically the postmark was the day before the bill was due. I don't really know how that works, but that was kind of the day I was having. Also I felt compelled to respond to Smitten in some way- so I texted him that I was around yesterday afternoon and on Sunday. (Really I'm around all the time, but I felt it best to make it seem like I am busy). And I don't know what I was expecting, but of course there was no response, no text back and no phone call. So I went into some disappointment around that.

B and I had made plans to go to a friend's party to celebrate her engagement. I felt so resistant to doing anything or getting ready, because now on top of all my usual emotional crap I was feeling bad about the Smitten issue. I know anger is a big part of my problem so I did do a little anger release. Then I took a bath and read pages and pages of my book, and got in the shower. I was still wrapped in a towel when B got here and he waited for me to get ready. Then we went to grab something to eat, then to the party. It was mildly interesting, my friend Kiki looks really happy and that is the most important thing. I remember her last marriage and divorce and a bunch of us came to her apartment and helped her move all her stuff to her mother's place. Not so happy. Much better to see her last night laughing and kissing her new hubby. Perhaps there is hope for all of us.

Talia was there too, which was a surprise. Turns out that she has moved. She was also very, very drunk. I introduced her to B, and said something about her being a very great boss, and she kept saying over and over, "But I made bad business decisions!" It started to be a drag to talk to her, so luckily she introduced me to someone else, and then she tottered away on her extra-high heels.

Two guys asked me for my number. One very straight-laced guy who goes to the gym a lot, whom I'll call Capricorn. He kept commenting on my shape and my curves, so he definitely finds me attractive, and he also lives very close to my neighborhood.

The other guy I'll call Gemini, and he is thin and beautiful with dreadlocks, artistic and a musician... hot hot hot. And probably a player. But I spent most of the night dancing with him, cause he can dance, and you know how I feel about that... and he rubbed my feet and my back, and oh yeah, he did try to put my hand on his c*#K. Ha ha. Maybe he is just for fun. Can I do just for fun? I dunno. I don't think I've ever done it. But he says he is taking me out to dinner, so all that is good.

I still miss Smitten.

I'm having a party and sent out an evite. I guess Wisconsin was still on my list, because I got a reply from him via email- "sending you so much love, xoxo" For real? If you don't recall, Wisconsin is a guy I was really into that dangled me on a string for a good part of 05 and 06. He has a habit of appearing out of nowhere. I'm not responding to him.

Smitten reminds me of that guy. (Sigh).

Other things I forgot to mention:

I have a crush... on a girl I met when I went to that seminar. Actually I have met her before at the additional training in July. I thought she was attractive and was just kind of checking her out. Then one day she came up to me and said, "You're gorgeous." Wow. I was kind of amazed that someone so pretty would say that to me.

Well I saw her again this time and there was a point where Barb, myself, another girl and Shelly, my crush, were all smashed together on the couch. Shelly was stroking my leg and being very affectionate. I basically told her that I have a crush on her, so she knows. Who knows if anything will come of it?

I'm sure there was something else I was going to tell you, but I can't remember now...

Love,
Duck

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