Dear Diary,

The past few days have been quite INSANE. And I mean insane! Insanely stressful. I was quite amazed that there never seemed to be enough time in a day, and my work felt like it was suffering!

For one thing, I had my stuffy head, runny nose and cough for a good long while. I missed one meeting with Steffy because I just couldn't rally... but by Friday, we had to do something. And I also had a presentation on Friday night, and Saturday, and work on Saturday night, and more presentation on Sunday... and on and on! I started having those dizzy spells like I would have when I worked for CF. It was just nonstop and you think I would have the sense to go to bed at a decent time last night? But I didn't... instead I stayed up (despite being tired) and stalked Smitten and M on the internet. How embarrassing is that?! Quite pitiful.

Anyhow. Enough of me beating myself up even more... that's not going to get us anywhere! Today is a new day. I need to clean my house, possibly purge some stuff... Steffy and I were going to work on figuring out how to sell some stuff on eBay... if I do that I think I will put all the money on my credit card right away... I don't like where my balance is right now! It is scaring me... I'm going to call some people about work today... gah...

I sooo want to call Smitten... but I have not done it, nor have I responded to his email. I know if I did, realistically, there's about a 70% chance or higher that he would ignore me anyway. Better to save myself the pain right now.

I saw Jimmy on Sunday at a party, and he brought up Smitten- basically told me what I already knew, that he is in this great place on a photo shoot... I just pretended I didn't know. And looked as gorgeous as I could- a lot of people told me I looked great- and when Jimmy left I just casually said, "Tell Smitten I said hi." And that was that. Just the right amount of investment, I think...

Jerry was there too and as usual he treats me like a queen, I wish that man would get on the stick. If he was talking to someone else and I walked up, he would say, "You need me, baby?" Man. I am a sucker for those nicknames... as I mentioned before we are very affectionate with each other, he will often give me a peck on the head or somewhere on the face, sometimes even on the mouth... there was a point in the evening when he went to peck me and I think he was aiming for my forehead but I thought he was going to kiss me on the face so I moved my head, it was a weird sort of bumble that made us both laugh. So I just got perfectly still and closed my eyes and said, "Okay kiss me wherever you want." And I felt his lips soft against my mouth... and I said, "Do it again..." and he did, another soft kiss on the mouth... and I said, "Do it again...." and he laughed and I laughed too, and then I said, "No, that's for when we're alone!" and kind of made a funny face and laughed it off... but, if the man has half a brain in his head he should know that I would make out with him at least... who knows. He said he would let me know tomorrow if he could hang out this weekend, so I'll find out then if we will actually be having some kind of date!

Not much else new to report, I went to my meditation group last night. It was nice and Lalla was there, but I didn't talk to her that much. I spent most of the time talking to her husband, who is crass and turns a lot of people off... he went to shake the hand of one of the women and she said, "Oh, I'm not touching anyone today," but before I left she gave me a hug, so that wasn't entirely true, but maybe she just thinks Lalla's husband has bad vibes. Which I could understand. He is kind of sleazy in a way.

Okay. Must. Do. Something. Productive!!

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