Dear Diary,

Yesterday I stayed home all day and watched shows all day online. Really I hardly did anything constructive, but it's okay. Around this time I tend to get really hot like I have a constant fever. I want to believe cramps are getting better, but there are still rough times.

At night I made some phone calls. I bought a ticket to go see my parents at the end of August. It is only for five days and usually I go for a week. But it also means that for a couple weeks I will only be working 2 days a week at my pt job. I hope they don't make a big deal about that- technically I signed a contract that said I would come in three days a week/20 hours. But the truth is there isn't even enough to DO. They have already told me that they are going to expand my duties to include HR and accounts payable, but how much more work is that, really? Calling in the paychecks on Wednesdays and tracking people's use of vacation days. As for payables, THERE'S NO MONEY. So how busy could I be, I won't be able to pay anybody!

Anyhow. I'm sure it will all work out. I did call Roc again too. I'm not going to judge myself about it. I don't know why I do the things I do. He was at the lake. I just told him I would not be coming up there due to lack of funds, plus I know they are having some kind of event up there and people have to pay. It would probably be $90 total and I just can't do it. I owe my dad money because he helped me out tremendously by putting a payment on my credit card while I was out of town- I'd forgotten my checkbook.

So there's that. Roc was busy and about to go make a fire outside- makes me wish I could be there to enjoy the great outdoors.

I tried to go to bed at a decent hour but you know me- I left a bunch of messages for people- including another message for Shelby, telling him that I felt strange about how we got cut off in our last conversation and he didn't respond in any way after that- that I had other things that I wanted to talk about with him and I felt that I wanted some closure around our conversation.

I probably went to sleep around 4am and woke up about 10am with cramps. I took some ibuprofen, applied heating pad, and slept for another hour and a half. My sister Delia texted me and then called me, she wants me to come visit and is willing to pay to have my next ticket changed. Then as I was walking to the bus Shelby called me back. He apologized for not following up with me after we got cut off, things got a little crazy for him with something having to do with the rental of his new house. We had a LONG talk, I told him about my first interactions with Roc; he said a supportive thing or two like I should pursue whatever made me happy; but I also told him that I didn't think it would work because Roc is not a good communicator plus various other reasons. Now that I'm thinking of that I'm wondering if Shelby got a little "worried" thinking I might be getting a new boyfriend, haha how cute.

At any rate we talked about several things then it was off to work for me. I'm feeling a bit off- underslept, hormonal, etc... but, happy enough about my talk with Shelby, and luckily this pt job is not requiring much of my brain cells lately.

Love,
Duck

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