Dear Diary,

Well. The past couple of days have been a little insane. Family troubles, big ones, have sent me into spin. I'm just trying to keep myself together, went to pt job today but could hardly stand being there. Didn't do a lick of work, but just spent most of the time feeling pretty awful and wanting to go home. Talked to my brother Kevin for over an hour, he is obviously upset, but has a way of never really talking about his emotions. But what he wants is to connect with me somehow, talk to me about SOMETHING, even when the something has nothing to do with what's bothering him.

And so it goes. Before work I ran several errands and spent quite a bit of money. I went to the craft store and bought a bunch of stuff. Then I went to one of the department stores that Gia and I had looked in when she was here last week. A dress had caught my eye and I wanted to go back and try it on. I hadn't tried it when Gia was with me because I guess I was afraid of her judging that the dress was too expensive or whatever. Anyhow I found it again and tried it on, I like it and I bought it. I also bought an Italian suede leather jacket (??! Who am I?) and I'm wondering if that was a wise purchase. I mean technically I have needed a spring/fall jacket for years because there are those times of the year when all the coats I have are either too warm or too light. And this is a beautiful jacket, I just generally don't spend this much money on myself. So I think I kind of started worrying about that and if the jacket was some kind of impulse purchase that was really a result of me being stressed out over family stuff. I can't be sure. I might need to reassess my finances and make some decisions.

At this point I just want to go home and put my pajamas on as soon as possible. I slipped out of work without saying goodbye to anyone. I felt like I just couldn't be there one more minute in that stifling office with nothing to do. I don't think I can do another summer of staying indoors and stressing myself out. I want to try to increase my own personal work and do very little at the office. I know there is still the question of my debt and how can I handle that AND get time to myself... perhaps part of the reason I am second-guessing the jacket. But I had the intention of setting aside money for me to enjoy because I really haven't been ENJOYING anything as of late.

I don't know. Most likely not going to figure it out today... so I guess I will get into my jammies, climb into bed, pull the covers over my head and leave it for tomorrow.

Love,
Duck

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