Dear Diary,

The days have been so big that I don't think I can update about everything all at once... so maybe just a little bit at a time.

Monday I did some major work with Shelby around my issue of being molested when I was about 10. I told him about it and alternately felt sad and mad. I cried some. I feel like it ruined my life in so many ways. A part of me left and never came back. I became afraid of my own father. It lowered my self worth phenomenally. It made me doubt myself. It ruined my connection to my own intuition. It permanently imprinted my sexuality. It made me feel used and worth nothing.

We called in the fairies and Shelby helped me find the part of myself that left with a feather. Everytime she came in it was so uncomfortable I would squirm and get a headache. It was massively painful to be here and feel how ferociously alone I was. Shelby helped pick out the parts that were the grandfather and not me. It was confusing because I liked going camping and being with Clara and swimming and lighting sparklers and all the things we used to do. So it was like there was a good grandpa and a bad one. Shelby took out the energy and sent it to the grandfather ancestors so he could learn respect. Then he had me imagine grandpa tied up. We took out the good parts, and I pushed the bad parts into a pool so the crocodile could eat him. Then I cried some and kicked and got angry then just sat in Shelby's arms and he said if he was there he never would have let that happen and even if it did happen, he would go and kick that grandpa's ass.

And that was (part of) my Monday, I have been crying lots and still have a lot of grieving to do because that man stole from me. I have been overwhelmed by my loss because of what he took.

Love,
Duck

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