Wiped out by this weather. There is only so much cold a human being can take!

Er. So I feel obligated to explore my own truth-telling abilities, now that I've gone and dissed everyone else in my last entry...

Let's see. Many lies often have to do with anger, about how I am feeling. I don't do anger so well. Very rarely do I explode and yell and throw things (but man, I would like to). It's because it wasn't safe to be angry where I was growing up. As a child, if I displayed an unsatisfying or inconvenient emotion, I was either hit or locked in my room. So now I have a distrust of my anger. Either I don't believe it's justified, or I am afraid the other person will kill me, on some unconscious level.

Many times I will be angry, but not admit it. It took me a long time to admit it to myself! I finally was able to say, "I am irritated." or "I feel upset." Which are just other ways to say one is angry.

I guess I've told others my share of little white lies that I either feel protect the other person, or feel so irrelevant that it's not the other person's business. I'm willing to bet that's how Anna and Frank feel about their respective lies.

Hrm. I'll have to sit on that.

For the most part, though, when there is something really wrong, I try to discuss it. My mistake is often that I believe the other person will approach the subject with the same amount of vulnerability, honesty and accountability that I do.

That was my mistake with CF. Believing she was a good enough person to have empathy and want to work things out. Wrong. She took things I told her and worked them to her advantage. A classic example of a true sociopath.

And numerous boyfriends. Who didn't want to be vulnerable. Then I'm left feeling silly, overemotional, and at fault.

(*embarrassing to even think about*)

See you later.

Duck

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