In every relationship, there is the loved and the BEloved. You can imagine which one I feel like right now.

Frank talks about leaving; maybe for his work. And it sounds like his work requires him to be alone, with no distractions. That means no Duck. It's all so confusing. Last year, he was so thankful he'd found me, everything he'd ever wished for: a woman who saw him, was sensitive to his feelings, that he felt connected to. All his friends were so impressed with me when we met-- afterward they told him, this is the one-- this woman loves you, and no matter what your desires she is willing to follow you. Now Frank is questioning even being with me... thinking that I might get in the way of his purpose. He already has so much space, in a lot of ways it doesn't really make sense.

It doesn't make sense to me either. I wonder what's in my makeup that I would choose a man like this. I could believe one of two things: a) that the universe is out to fuck me over, or b) I make certain choices for a reason, therefore I choose men who don't commit because really deep down I don't commit. The first reason is so trite, and I'm not into it. You hear people complain constantly about how unreliable the opposite sex is. But everybody's hurting all over. Therefore I can only be responsible for myself and stand by my choices.

So I wish I knew. I wish I knew where this fear was living inside of me, and what to do to change it.

Love,

Duck

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