anxiety [ 2004-01-23, 1:39 p.m. ]

Scheduling not going as well as planned; why lie? This is a fucking diary. I don't know what gets into me; sometimes I feel frozen, I don't like myself very much and I can't make myself move.

I think I have a lot of anxiety because I have a meeting tonight with CF. I have two fears: a) that she won't pay me the money she owes me, and b) that she will just keep trying to make me do shit for her. These are irrational fears, as in reality she doesn't have any power over me. If she doesn't pay me, then she doesn't pay me... I can get on with life, right? At least I got out of the job with my life somewhat intact. I will be better off without the bullshit. I just have to get better at saying no.

Also maybe each time I get truly unhappy like this I should make a radical change. Thought about getting a haircut and going on more job interviews. Now Duck, THAT would be different.

be back later...

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