My friend Kelly called earlier today. We chatted about the usual things, work, boyfriends, mutual friends. Kelly has recently finished school, and started a job, entry level mind you; but still in the field for which she has a degree. I feel a bit of envy about this. About her finishing school and choosing a direction, I suppose.

It was while talking to her that I realized how unhappy I am here. I know she is not incredibly happy either; having just finished school, beginning her career, and having to pay off a huge pile of loans and all that other stuff-- she certainly isn't feeling like she's accomplished anything huge, because she still has far to go as far as she's concerned. But still, I feel like a real loser.

It seems I am wont to make a real commitment to anything... just kind of floating from thing to thing... no direction... grrr...

I guess it didn't help to surf for jobs today. Makes me feel even more inept.

But I am off to fill out a volunteer application...

Oh, yeah, and P.S.... I'm sure I am totally wrong about Mike. I half-expected an email today after our talk last night and the "connection" I felt. It's all my stupid fantasy.

Duck, Duck, Dumb

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