annoyance and the muffin [ 2004-01-29, 4:53 p.m. ]

After I wrote today's earlier entry I felt so much better. I don't know, I honestly don't KNOW, people, why that bothers me so much. But this is a diary, so I am supposed to put that kind of embarrassing stuff in here.

So then I was okay, then I would feel not okay, then okay again. The mistake was I did talk to Frank on the phone, and tried to tell him, "When this happens, I feel like this." You know, doing that whole thing where I'm talking about myself and taking responsibility and just letting him know how I feel. He seemed annoyed, and I'm so annoyed with myself that I felt even worse. Whatever. I guess I just have to let it go. He insists that my phone is broken on Wednesday nights. It's almost kind of laughable, when you think about it. First the smoking, and now the phone. If his lying gets to women, then we know we have a problem.

So yeah, I feel better, somewhat lighter. Except I made the mistake of eating sugar. No doubt all this emotionality is a result of hormones. So I thought I would feed the monster a chocolate cheesecake muffin. Big mistake. Now my head hurts and I feel as though I could pass out at any minute. (remember I have not eaten refined sugar in about 6 months).

At the same time I feel like apologizing, because now Frank seems annoyed. Maybe he's holding the annoyance now, and if I call I'll just get it back. I really don't want it, so I think I'll hold off.

I'll see him tonight, and bring him a picture I drew for him and that should make things okay.

I'm still just learning that sometimes you can be really agitated with a person and still want to be with them. And vice versa.

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