Snoopster does it again. I swear, I didn't mean to do it.

I was at Frank's last night waiting for him to get home from work. Talking on the phone to Anna, fiddling around with the toaster, the napkin holder, the notebook by the phone. Tucked into the notebook was a card. It looked like a card that a woman would send, so I thought maybe it was from Frank's sister. So I peeked.

Could not believe my eyes. The woman's handwriting was very difficult to read, and what I could read didn't seem to make much sense, as if it were all private jokes between them. Except for the line, "...maybe you should come for a long weekend and we can discuss it in bed." Oh my god. I had to hang up with Anna and read that at least 5 times to make sure that's what it said.

I felt sick to my stomach. Livid. What could I do? If I said anything he'd just be angry that I was looking at something I shouldn't have. It was my own fault for finding out. I didn't know what to do so I went and took a shower.

After a while I calmed down. I started to look at the facts. I put two and two together and figured that this must be his friend that lives in ________, which was mentioned in the card. I know Frank has not been there in years (or so he has told me). So that left two possibilities: either they had slept together before, and she was still flirting with him; or that line had been written in the same tone as the rest of the card, and it might possibly be an inside joke. I know this all seems pretty ridiculous, but I don't know what else to think. I really don't. Unless there's something else I don't know, like recently he's taken some sort of secret trip halfway across the country to go boink someone. Doesn't seem likely, but still.

I felt that same feeling, of giving up. I can't do it anymore. I can't try to keep him interested in me if he's really not. I can't keep snooping around to see if he's cheating. I've asked him straight out if he's having an affair and he says of course not. I just give up-- let him flirt, smoke cigarettes, screw around if that's what he's going to do.

When he came home from work, I felt so much calmer, I didn't feel any of the anger I had experienced before. He lay down next to me on the couch and asked me about my day.

We talked for a while and he said I seemed tired. I said I was, I had reached my limit with everyone. He asked what I meant by that and I told him several things, like my dealings with Molly, and CF, and basically everyone in my life. He asked if that meant him too and I said yes. "What does that mean?" he wanted to know. I just said I was tired of trying to fix things and take care of everyone and make sure nothing went wrong or he didn't get scared, so I was just going to be more genuine, and maybe more messy from now on. He asked if that really scared me, and I said yes, because I have been trying to control things since I've come out of the womb, and it makes me pretty damn tired. The whole time he was looking at me very tenderly and stroking the hair from my forehead, which I love.

I have to tell you that I had completely forgotten about the card; dismissed it as some harmless flirting between friends or something; now that I've written it down this morning, I'm wondering again, but at that point last night it slipped my mind entirely.

Which is why I allowed myself to have completely amazing sex with a 10-minute orgasm that skewed my vision for the rest of the evening.

Oops.

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