drifting, eating, holding [ 2004-02-27, 4:47 p.m. ]

I'm having trouble making entries these days. My energy seems to have flagged... I'm recuperating energetically, I think. Gearing up for something new.

My job is mind-numbingly boring. This is helping me to realize that I am sooo ready to leave. Before, it was okay, because I was drifting, not really sure where I was going. But now, I feel like I want to be somewhere else.

I just finished reading The Life of Pi by Yann Martel. Wow, what a book.

So the metaphor of drifting... I am a survivor of a shipwreck. I find a deserted, meager island. It's okay here, there's sustenance, but I want inhabited land, lush with fruit, color, and other souls. So even though I am unsure, I am ready to get back in the boat and search for better land.

So now, to prepare. Gather supplies (put some money in the bank).

I am going to the training. Whether I lose this job or not. I need to do something different.

Met a friend for dinner last night. I think I told you about Sam (see "wandering eye" entry). He's one of those guys that's shown up again. The one that ended up dating one of my friends after blowing me off, then turning up again wanting to date me. Well I'm still trying to figure out if he's all right. He seems very taken by me and tells me I am beautiful. He brought a friend with him last night, Dan. Dan is divorced, I think recently so, because he seems a little depressed, though fairly centered. The interesting part of the evening was that Sam had to leave our dinner early for another engagement (we got a late start due to my confusion with the address and slow preparation of the meal). So he took off and I finished dinner with Dan, whom I had never met before. We seemed to connect fairly well on so many levels, no uncomfortable silences, and I really like him. It was a nice evening.

He said, "I was supposed to have a date this evening, but it fell through. That's why Sam asked me to come along."

I said, "You did have a date. You had a date with me!"

And we both laughed.

He's an artist too.

I think Sam told Dan an awful lot about me, because he seemed to have previous knowledge of some of my peculiar particulars. The kicker is, I actually have more in common with Dan, and if I were to ever choose between them, romantically speaking, it would be no contest.

I wonder how Sam would feel about that!

In any case, it doesn't matter because afterward I met up with Frank, who is sweet and slightly worried. He is so fragile sometimes. I guess that's what I like about him though. It makes him real, and compassionate. Although I complain about him and spout out my exasperations from time to time, reaping unsolicited advice from impatient girlfriends, I would defend him to my very last breath.

He is the star of my heart.

Duck

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