Somebody, please, stop the emotional rollercoaster: I want to get off.

Friday afternoon: feeling pretty okay. By Friday night: not so okay. Saturday afternoon: wallowing deep in the pit of despair.

Sunday things picked up a bit as I went to the spa with my friend Viv and we got ourselves some facials. I haven't filled her in on anything at all, so we didn't have to talk about it. That was okay.

I went to the club by myself last night, and was actually feeling okay. Four different guys asked me to dance. Two were very respectable and I like them a lot, but the other two grated on my nerves. One asked that I dance with him a few times, and he started out all right but the last time we danced he was pulling me closer and closer, trying to rub his dick on my leg. Ugh. Me: grossed out. Extremely. The other one was just a clown, he danced a couple of songs really silly, dipping me and kissing my hands. I thought he was just energized and fooling around, until I realized this was how he danced all along... I got sick of him too, and making us a spectacle on the dance floor. I just wanted to have a good time, be spun around the floor a few times and enjoy the music, not have to deal with unwelcome sexual advances and ridicule.

Today I was okay till I went to see my therapist, and then of course I have to break down and cry and realize what a mess I am still.

Dammit.

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