Haven't been writing much, because I'm really not sure what I want to say. I know I've been especially hard on myself these last few weeks, and even writing in this diary, I had a tendency to judge myself pretty harshly.

I've got one week to go before I find out the answer. Not the answer to my whole life, I know, but... you know, something that has felt like a very loose end for the past 6 weeks. It's a little nerve-wracking. Around week 4 I had a feeling we are going to get back together, but I can't explain where the feeling comes from or anything much about it. And because I can't do that I just feel silly, silly for having any kind of hope. I guess all will be revealed next week.

And of course there is a possibility that this will be the end of us... or, that Frank in his indecisiveness will want more time... when I think of that, that's when I feel so pissed. Like I've waited enough, and... I don't know, that it shouldn't be so hard to figure out, about me, that is. So I think I get pissed because I am afraid of being rejected.

I'm going to see my brother Kevin this weekend, he is picking me up and taking me back to his place. I have not seen him in a long time, so I'm looking forward to it. I filled him in on my life at the moment, to which he replied, "Oh, that sucks, how did THAT happen?" He's not such an emotional person, but at least he's not full of shit. I'm kind of sorry I told my sister Delia. Here's how our last conversation went:

ME: Yes, I've got about a week and then I will know what's happening.

HER: Well, what if you guys talk and he says he wants more time?

ME: I don't know, I mean, I could project a thousand things, I guess I just have to wait and see...

HER: Well do you wanna know what I would do?

ME: No.

HER: I would say, "Forget it!"....

Thanks Del... she just can't hold it in, I'm telling you.

This day has been slow as snail snot, just a few more hours and I will be hanging with Kevin, and that will be lots o fun...

Oh by the way, Kevin still lives in my hometown, so I hope I don't see the Ex. That would not be pleasant.

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