Dear Diary,

I know I have been so terrible about writing. It's because I'm nervous about what might happen at the end of this week.

Time with Kevin was okay, but I guess not what I expected. He has a new girlfriend, and he's really intent on spending most of his time with her. Anytime we made a plan he would try and incorporate her somehow. I'm glad he is excited and happy, but sometimes I just wanted a little time to discuss things alone, or sometimes it was just impractical to drive across town just to get her, to, say, pick something up at the store. I think my brother is smitten!

By the way, I had it out with Ex. He called the other day and I told him everything that was bothering me-- not in my usual, tactful, Duck-let's-not-hurt-anybody's-feelings kind of way either. I told him I was pissed, that I had always tried to be a supportive friend to him and that I have realized he does not return that kind of support to me. That it is very clear this whole proposal is all about his wants and he has not taken my feelings or needs into consideration at all, and that I will not tolerate his shaming or criticizing me anymore. To my surprise, instead of yelling back he admitted I was right and apologized for everything. I'm not sure if he understands EXACTLY what I'm talking about, but he did state he was sorry he hurt my feelings and that he didn't want to lose me as a friend.

Other things have been happening too, but mostly I feel this cloud hanging over me, the big question mark about Saturday. Sometimes I feel a little crazy just thinking about too much... I know I've made it this long and I haven't collapsed or totally shut down my life... it's just... rather anxiety producing.

The suspense.

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