Dear Diary,

I am a bipolar maniac, but it's okay.

Here is a typical day: mornings are the worst. The waking up, and then my heart starts to hurt immediately. It's like my heart has to remember everything first thing in the morning... and feel the loss all over again.

Daytimes vary, depending on work. But usually I can keep myself pretty distracted.

The gym is good. I don't always want to go, but I make myself. Once I get there it's okay, and I feel strong and more confident about myself.

Nights where I work for Talia are really good- there's a lot of women there and I just feel like I fit in with them. That's not normal for me so it's a nice change. We usually laugh our whole shift.

Afterward, at home, it's kind of a tough time. I can't go right to sleep, because I have to unwind, but then I usually end up not doing the best stuff, like staring at the tv and eating , going to bed too late.

And then it starts all over again. It's like Frank haunts me, and I judge myself for that. So what I was trying to express yesterday was that I've realized I have to break the cycle by ceasing to judge myself. Just let it hurt as long as it hurts.

I've also met someone online that seems interesting enough. I'm not sure... it does seem too soon most days, as I am still raw from the whole Frank thing. But on the other hand, I have spent so much time waiting for Frank, and I don't see why I should cloister myself. As long as there's not pressure to be in some kind of immediate relationship, I think I'd be cool with just dating. Chaos said to be careful not to fall in rebound-love, but it's okay, Chaos, I think the chances of that are very slim! If anything I think I will be quite the opposite, a little gun-shy.

Anyway, I will let you know if anything interesting happens.

Love,

Duck

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