Hey Diary,

Here's the scoop.

Frank did call me back on Thursday night, but I didn't bother to answer. He also called me on Friday, and I called back and left a message. Really, I think it's a little too painful to try to talk to him. I can't imagine what this weekend's going to be like, if we do the whole separation process.

Had dinner with my friend Anna on Thursday. She's one of the people I haven't spoken to or explained what's going on... so I finally let her in on it. She is very supportive, I don't know if she'll run and tell Psycho or not, but at the point it bothers me less and less. Maybe, because since the training and meeting Alphie, my life feels fuller now. Anna encouraged me to give our ultra-cute waiter my phone number. I left it on the table with our tip. That is so incredibly out of character for me, I can't believe I did that. Of course he never called me, and I guess it was a dumb thing to do because I go there all the time-- so for sure I'll run into him again. Oh well. If one of us has to be uncomfortable about it I choose him. Because I'm still going to eat there...

Friday was just an exhausting day for me. It's not so good that my life is set up in a way where I'm so tired by the end of the week that I'm bordering on tears most of the time. Must change that. I did my best to sleep in on Saturday, and then went in and did some work for Talia.

Sunday I had a date. A guy I met at the Fourth of July party last week. We met for brunch, and then... get this... we went shopping. At thrift stores. Because I told Phil (my date) that I needed some boots. He said he knew some really good thrift stores, so away we went. We had a ball. I would put the boots on, he'd give me his opinion, and then pull them off my feet. Afterward we spent some time outside, and later had dinner. Phil seems super nice, although a little strange. Almost obsessed with some things, like a little kid. Really upset over the death of his father 12 years ago, he seems very sensitive. In any case, he's nice enough, and funny, and we had a good time. Only a couple pangs of sadness about my recent relationship...

I keep having dreams about Frank. It's very disturbing, like my brain won't let go. My friend said, though, that that is how my brain is releasing him. Okay, I hope so. Knowing that I am going to see Alphie, and not knowing what will happen but guessing what I'd like to happen, I'd like for thoughts and images of Frank not to be there, if you know what I mean!

I had a dream the other night that I was talking to a hole in the ground. Apparently this hole had all the answers... and this is what I asked it... if I sleep with someone else, will Frank still want me back?

I woke up and thought, fuck, I am SCREWED.

Bound.

Shit.

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