Hello Diary and Diaryland Readers,

Diaryland Readers, you are the best. Thanks for the notes, chaos and glitter.

Today was indeed a tough one. Yes I ran out of things to teach the temp pretty quickly. But, on the bright side, I think this will be the perfect job for her. She doesn't seem to have much experience, and it takes her a while to do stuff, I can tell. So it will probably actually be a challenge, a good foot-in-the-door kind of job, as it were.

Mmm. But let me tell you something else. I have some kind of personality disorder, well maybe not a disorder, but... I like to be alone a lot. I like to do my own thing and not have people in my space. This was evident to me after having this temp up my ass for two days. It made me want to scream. I just found myself... TALKING all the time, and EXPLAINING. Sheesh. She is a very nice girl, but, there is only so much temp-training I can do.

Last night, after class, Aleda wanted to talk to me about her boyfriend. Her birthday is this weekend and she's afraid that he is going to forget, and it's making her really depressed. I feel for Aleda, and wonder if I should do something sneaky, like call him and remind him of her birthday. Do you think that's wrong? I don't know if Aleda would be angry or not. I would just tell him he could never ever tell her that I told him. Why create more misery when I could just help out a little with a friendly reminder?

Anyway, I just tried to call his cell and got voicemail. I don't want to leave any voicemail, so maybe I'll try later.

As a result of hanging out with Aleda and talking about boys, I got home way too late. As soon as I walk into my house I am overwhelmed by a sense of exhaustion (probably because I have to clean too). And of course my attempts at sleeping were not so great.

This morning, I couldn't even make it here before the temp. That's how lame I am! Ugh. Then on to TALKING and EXPLAINING. I tried to intersperse instructions on how to do NOTHING with short trips here and there to "show her around." I mean how much can a person actually do?

Around lunchtime I started to have my little breakdown. For one, I realized it was the last workout I'd have at the gym, and that I would miss everyone I worked out with pretty intensely. Then I spent my lunch hour running errands, and just felt overwhelmed by that too. Back to the office where once again the temp is sitting waiting for me... so not even a minute to sit and check my email by myself or any such thing. Then one of my bosses--- not the lame one who is part scarecrow and part tin man; the other one--- gave me a bracelet and card as a going-away gift, and I found myself getting quite teary. I do like that boss, at least he appreciated my sense of humor. I had to go in the restroom to compose myself for a moment, but lo and behold, the temp came in to pee! Aaaaaaarrrghhh!!!

Finally I sent her home at four o'clock, saying it was slow and it was Friday and don't worry about your time card, etc. She was all happy because she thinks I'm nice, but really. I did it. FOR MYSELF!!!!!!

Aaah.

Can write in diaryland. Can sit and do nothing, and enjoy it. No talking. No explaining.

The rest of the weekend is going to be a bitch, but I am just enjoying these few minutes to myself.

* * * * * * * * * *

Ex called yesterday very upset. One of his nephews was in a very bad accident, and he didn't know what to do. Ex is not so good at managing emotions. I asked the details (sordid). His nephew will be okay, but somewhat permanently disfigured. Very rough. I reminded Ex that he needs to stay by his family, and what his nephew needs more than ever right now is for Ex to just be there loving him. So don't go and do anything stupid. Ex seemed to appreciate that, so I suppose he will somewhat retain his sobriety at this time. He's been calling me off and on just to "check in". I suppose it helps him to be able to lean on somebody now and then. I just hope he lets go of the idea of us being together, because that is not going to happen.

Also, Frank called this morning. He said his plans for this weekend were canceled, and he was wondering if I wanted to get together. I don't know, do I? I can't think about it at this moment, I really don't know.

Last night I got a call from Petra and Alphie. That's right. Petra was in Alphie's area on business-- she travels a lot, obviously-- and they got together and had dinner. So they left a goofy message on my voicemail, there is a time difference so I was in bed at the time they called. I don't know if this counts as an official call from Alphie or not. It was just kind of joking with funny voices and the two of them laughing hysterically. But you know, nothing is good enough for me because obviously. I want. To be. Miserable.

AND. CF left a voicemail, to ask some inane questions about who is the printer we used when I worked there and what is the pin number for the XYZ and whatever. Ha ha. I KNEW that would happen eventually, because I ran that office and the place is no doubt a mess without me, but--- PERFECT TIMING...

So no wonder I cried today, because too much is just too much. Having trouble processing everything... training the temp, supporting Ex and Aleda in their troubles, trying to sort out my feelings about Frank and Alphie, and feeling sad about leaving things behind.

I need to lie down.

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