Dear Diary,

Today was a good day in that

I

DID NOT

HAVE TO GO TO WORK!

yay!

Except, for some reason I felt like real crap, like I had a hangover or something. It was serious. Tried to get through my day, but felt off balance and foggy the whole time.

I spoke with Talia, and she said it's probably just my body coming down from the stressful transition.

Oh, the wise Talia, I'm sure that's what it is.

I am going to see Petra and her boyfriend Michael this weekend, and she promises to take very good care of me while I am there. The two of them are great people, and I have a feeling I will just be doted on.

Some decisions I've made recently: I'm not talking to any more boys, i.e., Frank and Alphie. After a long conversation with Aleda last night, came to the conclusion that I am just too accommodating, and men pick that up about me. That's why Alphie doesn't feel the need to call and Frank tries to control me with his games. Aleda really encouraged me to focus on myself, which is a good idea, easier said than done.

One of the best things I have heard; read in the paper about a soon-to-be-out book entitled, "He's just not that into you," apparently an utterance on an episode of Sex and the City, the gist of it is this: women, stop making excuses for men. If he's interested in you, he'll call. There is no such thing as mixed messages from men, he's so busy, he's very stressed out, work is really a heavy burden on him, etc. The point of the statement is that men pursue and make time for what they want-- I believe that about people in general. People make things happen when they want them to happen. No matter how busy someone is, if they really want something, they make space in their lives for it.

But it's so nice to have it condensed into one short sentence-- I was doing this with Alphie, couldn't figure out why he hadn't called me. Don't know. Maybe he did get what he wanted, and that was it. Or maybe he is used to women pursuing him. Whatever. I can't make myself crazy anymore.

He's just not that into me.

I'm better than that-- shoveling all my energy all the way to Canada.

Fuck it.

Another interesting quote I read, "Women's weakest sexual link is the need to feel special."

At last!

It's not just me... someone else has figured this out too. And I am merely exhibiting behavior that has (obviously) been exhibited before. Now the trick is to figure out the solution to strengthen the weak link.

Would be easy, I suppose, if I were surrounded by men that intrigued me mentally, physically... but those guys seem few and far between, so my tendency is to put too much stock in one person. Too much work, too much work. me me me! That's what it's got to be about...

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