Dear Diary,
Just returned from the engagement party for Anna. It was all okay. Of course when I first walked in guess who I saw immediately, the very first person to make eye contact with? That's right, Psycho. We both said hello, I got the feeling that maybe she was just as uncomfortable seeing me.

But all okay. We sat at different tables and didn't make any eye contact all night. Even when I was saying goodbye to a bunch of people, I kept getting the feeling that Psycho was looking at me for something-- maybe the chance to say goodbye to me? I dunno. But I didn't ever look in her direction, quite on purpose, of course. Do you think that was wrong? That's what I was asking Kelly as I was leaving. Am I not a big enough person? Was just saying hello enough? I mean she did totally disrespect me, in my eyes, by trying to seduce my boyfriend away from me while we were going out. Kelly assured me that unless I want some kind of relationship with Psycho, there's really no reason why I should make any attempt to talk to her...

This whole social circle is so messed up, let me give you a taste:

Psycho's ex-husband's new wife was there, I don't know how close they are, but I do know that Psycho still tries to get her ex-husband back too. Doesn't this bother new wife? Granted, new wife knows that ex hubby won't go back with Psycho, but the fact that Psycho tries.... to me... just seems rather disrespectful. And, I see them both at the party in relatively close proximity to each other.

Also, Mariana and Psycho have been good friends for ages, yet Psycho flirted/attempted to seduce Mariana's husband over a period of time when they were in a class together. Which upset Mariana greatly. Yet she and Psycho still seem to be friends as well.

The gist is, that Psycho needs a lot of male attention. Yes, many women do. But we trust that our true women friends will search for their male attention elsewhere, not from our boyfriends and husbands.

Am I the only one who thinks that Psycho's behavior is disrespectful and unacceptable? I certainly do not want to be friends with this person, and I guess I can't see much use in being overly friendly with her. I guess by not doing so I am saying, "The way you behave is unacceptable to me, and I do not want to be involved with you." Do you think that's wrong? Should I be like everybody else and make nice?

Hmm. Maybe all those other folks knew Psycho for awhile, and have something invested in the relationship. Whereas the only relationship I've ever had with her was: Psycho as Stalker Ex-Girlfriend, Psycho as Attention-Getting Seducer, Psycho threatening to kill Frank for dating me, someone within the same community (yes, it's true).

Oh well.

Anyway, the party was okay. I sat at a good table with people I knew, ate mediocre food, and talked a lot about my career and travel. Thankfully, the only person who asked me about Frank was Mariana. That's because Mariana has always been the only one brave enough to ask me about him to my face-- everyone else has always talked about us behind our backs. I was confused that she asked me-- either everybody knows we broke up and she was just giving me the opportunity to tell her-- or, she really didn't know, which would mean Psycho and a bunch of other people don't know. It was weird, when I told her we broke up, I couldn't find the emotion that has always been connected to it... I found myself looking for it... and it just wasn't there. I think it sounded to Mariana like the break-up was my decision, even... because I didn't seem too upset about it. I didn't bother to elaborate or explain anything, because she really didn't ask. I think Mariana was very sad, I know she really likes Frank (they could never be friends after his break-up with Psycho because Psycho wouldn't allow it, in some ways-- it was just creating too much tension).

That's the report. I have returned relatively unscathed. A little sad about Frank maybe, a little sad that the sadness is not there. I am changing. My whole life is changing. Parts of me are healing.

I am so different now.

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