Dear Diary,

Sorry for being a total loser on the update thing. There are problems with my internet at home, so now I'm updating at a friend's house. Feels like quite the risky behavior, considering I'm doing it on someone else's computer and I never do that!

So the thing with Louie is still driving me a little crazy. I just have some loose ends to tie up with him, get paid the money that he was supposed to bring me (which I reminded him to bring to my presentation, he assured me my check was packed and ready to go, and then at the actual presentation, he said he forgot the check-- great.)

I spoke with Dolan the other day. He's still as boring as ever. Only talks about himself, about things I don't even ask about. Any minute I expect him to start spouting off poetry that I never asked to hear. At any rate, he was at my presentation and I asked him how he thought it went. His response surprised me. I thought he would have noticed how childlike Louie's behavior was. He didn't really have an opinion on that. I really thought it was a disaster, Diary! But that's just me.

Anyway I realize talking to Dolan is useless, and I should set him straight sooner than later. Dolan likes to make speeches about how he firmly believes in monogamy and is looking for a woman to marry blah blah blah. And then he says things to me like, "Well I hope that I get to see you again," as if I am going to fall off the edge of the earth or something. All of this feels like he is trying to tell me something but not telling me. Like I must be really stupid not to notice. What people don't know about me is that I tend to notice everything. A nuance, a look, the way people set themselves up in a conversation. The mask they are wearing, what they prefer me to believe, and what's really going on.... so I guess, I need to have this conversation with Dolan soon.

I went to visit Michael and Petra. Michael looked at the spot on my tooth and said it's not a spot, I have a cavity. I can hardly believe it. I never had a cavity in my whole life! Shit, is all I can say, because now I really do have to scrape up enough money to go to the dentist. How that will happen I do not know.

Michael also took me to his homeopathic doctor friend, who told me that I should look out I don't get diabetes. He said I have the kind of body structure that does not process sugar well and I'm not burning fat fast enough. So I guess that means I should eat like I am already a diabetic. This was sad to hear, I want to take care of my health, but of course it is the hardest thing to give up, you know? I don't care for alcohol or cigarettes... but sugar is tough.

I don't know what to do or how to begin that kind of lifestyle. It seems I do well but then I get stressed out so I turn to the old stand-by. The dr. talked about doing a cleansing to clean out my liver, which makes me nervous. I don't know if I can not eat. That is one thing that worries me.

There's other things, but I'm very tired. So I'll try to talk to you later.

That's enough for one day.

Love,
Duck with a hole in her tooth

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