Dear Diary,

I don't know what to say, other than I am a little worried about my health. Every night I have a headache, and pains in my legs and feet. Sometimes I feel nauseous. Friends have suggested everything from dehydration to a possible flu. But the symptoms come and go, I feel like I'm drinking an awful lot of water and passing it through, and it doesn't feel like any kind of sickness I've ever had.

I haven't been exercising as much, so could that be it? I don't know, but maybe I'll try walking tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I have gotten a lot of calls about work. Go, me!

I feel like never calling Alphie again. Apparently he and Grace are celebrating their anniversary... the anniversary of when they first started seeing each other, but of course Alphie never told me that. I am just bitter because maybe Grace will call me and leave me a very nice message, but then I will try to call her for five days and she will never pick up the phone. And you know how Alphie is. My problem is that I always feel like I'm being shafted somehow, like someone doesn't care enough or put forward the same effort, like life isn't fair. Well guess what, Duck, life isn't fair! I know. I wish I didn't feel this way. And I know I always say I'm not going to call him anymore or put forth any effort, but then at some point my heart will open up and I will decide I am just being silly, and I will do something nice or make a call.

That's me. Inconsistant and a liar, and a fool for what feels like something akin to love. Have I resigned myself to being the hopeless third wheel?

Maybe.

Am I a big loser?

Yes. Yes I think I am. And I apologize for that.

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