Hi Diary,

Yes, here I am again. Not much new, other than another huge fucking phone bill. How this happened I do not know. I though I was being so careful with my minutes, etc., and that I even had extra. Boy was I wrong! Now my phone bill is doubled. I guess it's not feasible to run a business with the plan I have now, so I'll have to invest in a plan with more minutes. Truthfully the stuff with the money is getting so overwhelming that I just can't think about it anymore... yeah what's another $150 dollars?

Louie asked me via email if he could bring a guest to my next presentation. Why he thinks he can gift someone else with my hard labor, I don't know. First I just wrote him no, that I do not want anyone I don't know to come as a guest, they have to pay. Then I wrote him another, longer email in a very nice tone stating why- that if I don't have some kind of exchange going with the person, basically I'm just giving them my hard work for free. And I also brought up the last instance of him trying to sneak that other woman into my last presentation, and why that is not okay.

Then I tried to sleep but couldn't. I meditated, masturbated, and watched tv, and finally took some medicine around 5am. I think I was expecting that now that I wrote that email, Louie and I were going to have to have a "discussion" in which he complains that he works so hard and I've never given him enough (a common theme) or just that I am mean or I misunderstand him blah blah blah. I'm telling you he's probably a big reason why I can't sleep.

But that wasn't the case. Instead he called me about something else this morning and didn't mention anything about the email. Then when I did finally check my email today it was an equally nice one back saying, thanks for being clear about your policy, blah blah blah. So no big drama. SURPRISING. But you know what I think, I think Louie can tell that I've just had it with him and that I'm ready to say, my way or the highway, okay Louie, you don't like it, then don't work with me. He's getting the vibe that I have limited patience with him and he doesn't want to jeopardize his standing.

I have a lot to do today, so I better go. But I have to mention that nope, CB still has not sent an email even though yesterday he said, "I'm downloading my camera onto my computer right now, I'll send you these things." Now it's the principle of the thing-- how can you just boldface LIE to someone... well I guess people can do all sorts of things, can't they? CB can just never want to see me again because he didn't get what he wanted. It's that simple. Weird to me, how you could tell someone you just love them, and adore them as a person, but you do all that so they'll sleep with you, and then when they don't sleep with you, not only do you not honestly tell them you don't want anything to do with them, you just pretend you do and then you ignore them. All the while pretending you are this ultra-conscious spiritual person.

Interesting, and hurtful.

Duck

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