relationships [ 2005-11-28, 11:54 a.m. ]

Hi Diary,

So last night Alphie and Grace left me another message, but it was so staticky I couldn't understand what they were saying. I could tell Alphie mentioned something about Russell though, so I'm wondering if Russell told them how I was feeling.

Doesn't matter, I've got a deadline- December 1st-- I'm not talking to either one of them until the 1st. It's not about punishing them or anything like that, it's just a decision I've made for myself. It's about time I just did this! Now if Alphie wants to call and do whatever, but only because somebody else told him so-- well big deal.

Then, last night I had a dream that Alphie confronted me about not talking to him. At the time we were in somebody's kitchen and I was trying to get ice cubes out of a tray. Finally I just said, "Do you want to know what makes me mad? You never call me back." At this point in the dream, Alphie got very upset, but in a way where he turned it all around, kind of like, "I don't believe it, another one, all women act like this..." So, turning it all around where he was angry at me for being upset that HE never reciprocates-- or something. Then I actually got WORRIED that he was angry at me- "Wait let's talk about this"- next thing you know we are holding hands and walking outside in a field. The worry went away and I don't remember much from there.

So I don't know what all that means in particular, I started to try and look up the symbolism of ice in my dream, but it said something about an engagement ring. That's just silly, so I'm not pursuing the dream dictionary anymore.

CB sent me an email, because his first language is not English, normally his emails don't make any sense to me at all. His grasp of the written English language is obviously very poor. He speaks fine and I'm imagining he can understand my emails much better than he can write them, but still. I'm not feeling a lot of desire to pursue him either. He usually responds a standard two days after I send him an email. Seems a little too calculated to me!

And anyway, compared to Byron, CB just isn't worth it. Granted I didn't feel the same kind of physical attraction to Byron, but if he doesn't call me, By sends me an email, and sometimes does both in the same day. He's also told me he's sending me something in the mail... I like that Byron doesn't seem to have any "rules"- he just likes me enough to email me right away and call as many times a day as he feels like! How about that?

So that's the relationship (or lack thereof) update-- work is another story... kind of just squeaking by- not quite sure how I will manage the training at this point but things seem to have a way of working themselves out. So I hope they'll just keep doing that.

Talk to you later,
Love,
Duck

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