this and that [ 2006-03-11, 1:23 a.m. ]

Hi Diary,

I know I suck. The last few days I have come here, stared at the blank page, and not known what to write. I have just been feeling so exhausted, for no real reason that I know of.

On Monday, B came over and we talked about some business ideas, and had lunch. He left around 8ish and I went into town to meet Emily for a late dinner. I stopped by her house to pick her up and she was well on her way to being drunk. Why? Well, seems that she has been involved in a flirtation of sorts with a guy she works with, we'll call him Hal. So she and Hal have been becoming closer and closer, never actually doing anything except some heavy flirting. But I guess what happened is that Hal got scared, because he's married, and kind of blew Emily off. I don't think Emily knew how much she was falling for him until he did that. This is like the third married guy Emily has been close to fooling around with. So I think she's starting to see a pattern and that's depressing too.

We went out to dinner and I ate and Emily got more drunk. She talked the whole time about how sensitive Hal is and what a great person he is etc. Honestly Hal doesn't sound like anything special, but I kind of realized that Emily just needed to talk it all out of her system. She obviously fell for him and has a bit of a broken heart right now, so I decided to just give her the space.

Tuesday I spend the day doing promotional stuff and trying to be positive about it. I also stopped by to see Simon. He was glad to see me, gave me a big hug. At one point he said, "I called you three times and you never called me back." But I didn't even address that comment. If he doesn't get that I need the space after everything that transpired between us, whatever. But I'm not going to take that bait and play the Blame Game with him. I was ready to see him so I went to see him, why can't he just accept that? At any rate we seem like we are in a better place and I think my showing up is a symbol of forgiveness, and now we can be friends again.

Wednesday I stayed home and cleaned my apartment for about 4 hours. Things had gotten a little out of hand. And Aleda, Emily, Cara and Steffy came over. I was kind of pissed because the whole thing was Aleda's idea- to have a party of sorts at my house. When I called her to ask for help getting what was needed, she said she was too busy to talk. I felt like I was wasting my day, like I could be planning my presentations and whatnot, but instead I was home cleaning and planning for a party. But once everybody came over, I actually had a good time. They all brought something to eat since I don't have the money to host a party.

Still, I've decided that my social life has to take a definite backseat to work. I have to work harder, do more, invent more and promote more- I have to dedicate more time to that stuff. That's one of the problems I think with working from home- people think it's simpler or you have more time. For instance Aleda called me on Tuesday and asked what I was doing, and I said I was very busy doing promotional errands etc. She told me to call her when I had a minute so we could maybe get together. Well, I didn't have a minute. I made brochures and flyers, took them to several locations, and then went shopping for supplies, then posted more flyers. I didn't have time to chat or get together for a meal or anything like that. But Aleda called me in the evening and was annoyed. I don't know why since I told her at the beginning of the day I was BUSY and I was WORKING - all day. But I guess not everybody takes you seriously when you work for yourself.

This weekend I'm supposed to see Wisconsin. Not the state-- the guy. Can you believe it? Well, we'll see if he actually shows up this time.

I was probably going to add something else, but I'm actually kind of tired. I've been more tired than usual, and hoping I'm not coming down with something.

Love,
Duck

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