Dear Diary,

Well, it's been a busy couple of days. Here's some stuff that has happened.

On Friday I went to a party. It was an all-women party, which was nice, and fun. I was a little distracted because I thought for sure Wis would call me because he said he would, but he didn't.

I met this woman at the party, she was averagely pretty, and we were just talking, I wasn't thinking about anything. I don't even remember what we were talking about, but at one point, she smiled, and I just wanted to kiss her.

The sensation was so powerful that it made me say, wow. I mean, I see attractive women all the time and often imagine what it would be like to kiss them, etc., but there was something about this woman that was just remarkable. Of course I didn't just jump on her. I didn't do anything. It turns out though, that I wasn't off regarding her sexuality. Just minutes later I saw her making out with a tall blonde- I believe they are a couple.

Anyway, as I wrote before, I was bummed about not hearing from Wis by Saturday. But then he did call at about 2am and was all nice and whatever. I said, "What happened to you?" and he was confused. Apparently, I misunderstood what he told me. He said he was only going to call me on Friday or Saturday IF he was going to be able to spend time with me.

Okay. I'll give you that. Then he said he wanted to come over on Sunday. I was very hesitant, since I'd already made plans to go out to dinner with a friend. But Wis BEGGED to come over- trying to tempt me with everything from bringing chocolate, to massage, etc. etc. Finally, I agreed, okay, you can come over on Sunday night, and I then called my friend to change our plans. Wis and I agreed he would meet me at my house when I got home from a meeting.

Then last night, when I was on my way home, I checked my messages and there was a voicemail from him. Apparently, he was called into work at the last minute, and could not come over.

I wasn't sure how to feel about this. At first of course I was PISSED. Kind of went into that whole thing... OF COURSE this happened, this guy is impossible to get a hold of, I don't know anything about him and he won't even tell me WHERE he works.... he DOESN'T show up, he's done this before... he's busy doing God knows WHAT, and why aren't I important enough that he skip "work"?

I've been reading a lot of books about personal healing and transformation, so I got out my book on the bus. It snapped me out of my irritation almost immediately. For the past few weeks I have been really undergoing some kind of shift. I've been reading a lot, like I said, but I've also once again stopped eating processed sugar, which is a huge thing for me. I've been exercising more and doing yoga.

As soon as I started reading I just felt inspired to just take care of myself, and stop trying to figure out what everyone else's issues are. So, who cares why Wis didn't choose to refuse work (I don't even know if he could- because I don't know what kind of job it is). Who cares that I don't know everything about him. I am done trying to change people or figure them out. Right now I am in the space where I just trust that if something doesn't work out, it is because the Universe wants it that way, and if it is meant to be it will happen when it's supposed to.

And that is really where I'm at- seriously. Remarkably.

Love,
Duck

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