Dear Diary,

Hmm, what can I say that won't make me sound like a freak who just sits around and judges herself? Uh, nothing!!

Well, I don't know why I bother, with anything. Sure Alphie was here and it seems like we had a breakthrough in our communication. He cried and everything. He said he never wanted me to feel bad. I know he had a long flight back, but days and days went by and he never actually phoned me. I finally called Grace's number and she handed her phone over to him-- all weekend he's been sleeping, having a BBQ and watching basketball or hockey or whatever they do in Canada. But he didn't bother to get in touch with me and a) let me know he got home ok; which I had left several messages about over the past few days, or b) just call and check in on our rekindled friendship.

So. People don't really change. If they don't want to.

And, when I did check my email inbox, he had just written me an email asking for all my friends' email addresses so he could write to them. No thanks for letting me stay in your house, etc, it's just like Russell says, that Alphie really only contacts you when he needs something. I guess that will always be true. It doesn't necessarily make him a bad guy, but it's definitely why I don't sleep with him anymore.

No wonder he and Aleda get along so well. That's right, when Alphie was here all Aleda did was hang on him and act like a completely different person. She acted like a nice person, not her usual critical and mean self. Alphie doesn't even know the real Aleda- he thinks she's just so sweet and special. Give me a break. They make a perfect pair. Only no one will ever love Aleda as much as she loves herself, so there might be some competition there. But then they could both wait until they need something and just keep calling each other.

Whatever. I was so disgusted after today. I should know better than to get emotionally involved. Business, fine. Next time Alphie comes he can stay in a hotel. And don't think I won't tell him so. And I'm sure the whole W thing will just turn into a big Fuck You anyway, as long as we're on the subject of fucked up situations.

ugh.

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