one man out, one man in [ 2006-08-22, 1:25 a.m. ]

Hi Diary,

Well, I am feeling rather blah today. Still some sadness around the whole conversation from Saturday. There's a way I still want so badly to be seen, and sometimes I find myself replaying that conversation in my head. The reality is, though, it doesn't matter what I say; he is never going to own what he does. I start to doubt myself and feel like I should have been nicer. But, on the other hand, nice has not gotten me very far, has it?

Maybe I need to learn how to be a real bitch...

And, just to make life weirder, I got a text message from W today. Says he was thinking about me and would really love to see me. WTF?

I am staring to thing that, there was no space for him in my life before because of Alphie, who has taken up a lot of my energy... and then, as soon as something happens that "clears" more of Alphie's energy, W appears. But, too, there is obviously something wrong with him.

So, since his behavior is so confusing to me, I've decided to be confusing right back. I texted back, "Great! Maybe I'll see you on Saturday!" Saturday is nothing special, but I'm just pretending that I think he's someone else. Maybe I'll start referring to random events and even say thanks for the book, or it was nice to see you on Tuesday.

What else am I supposed to do?

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