fear, ex-wives, and food [ 2007-10-09, 4:50 p.m. ]

Dear Diary,

Here I am again. I have not eaten solid food in four days. I am detoxing all kinds of crazy stuff, and kind of feeling sick. And blah. Sick and blah.

That is the major thing right now... oh, yeah, and my crazy abandonment issues. So I've called a therapist, and am awaiting her call back so I can make an appointment.

It seems I have a runaway mind that doesn't trust any man and starts to spiral into how unpretty I am, or not this or not that- especially when the ex-wife of my current bf is considered by many as "extremely hot" (never mind that she had no libido and poor M never got any)... but I have been quite shaken by past events, even though M's outburst and temporary "break-up" was over 6 weeks ago, I sometimes have anxiety attacks and fear over him leaving.

Hence, therapy.

By the way, do you think it's a bad thing to look at one's ex on MySp@c3? Well, that's something M used to do, compulsively, after the divorce, and he had to swear off it, because it was making him crazy. Now, because I'm crazy, occasionally I'll go check out what the former Mrs. M is up to. Kinda kooky, right? I mean she writes everything right out there. She's probably looked at my page, but you know I'm a secretive sort of folk and the only place I would ever share my deepest, darkest thoughts is here at Diaryland. But if you want to find out all about her, well, it's not that hard. MS is an interesting place because people can paint themselves to be whatever they want in any moment... I don't particularly feel bad when looking at the former Mrs. M, although sometimes I feel chubby. Do you think it's bad for me?

Someday I'll tell you more about her, but for now, I dream of food. Oh, the food that I dream of. I would love some Indian food right about now, or some Italian bread with butter. Or a really nice ripe avocado. I have a feeling I'm going to appreciate food much more after this. Glory be.

Love,
Duck

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