Dear Diary,

I have nothing new and exciting to say, I'm just having trouble getting to sleep. For some reason I am burning up in here! I don't know why. I am so hot.

I did manage to grab a sandwich at around 4pm, which was the first thing I ate all day. I know, this working for oneself definitely can have its disadvantages- such as, I don't have any kind of normal eating schedule, and will lie in bed/do random shit all day and not feed. Then I start to get all blood sugar weird and tired and feel like I don't even have the energy to go and get something to eat.

So, I did go to class, and I am terribly out of shape, no shocking news there. Although pretty much everyone made a comment on how thin I look, so it may really be more than I know. Hard to tell, because as I said, I never weigh myself, though I do know that now all my pants fit. No worries.

After class I went grocery shopping, so I could avoid a repeat of today, and also so I could eat something healthy, instead of whatever's in the house. I end up eating oatmeal or something for 5 days every meal until it's gone, or hummus, or things like that- but not balanced meals. So I bought vegetables and meat and cheese, yes I know I wanted to lay off the dairy but I have been CRAVING cheese, I think I haven't been eating enough protein.

So, that's the plan. I have to get up quite early for my appointment tomorrow, which is probably why I can't sleep. It seems to happen to me this way- that whenever I have something to get up early for, I can't fall asleep. Oh well. I'm going and then if I need to, I'll just have to come back home for a nap.

I wrote Alphie an email and told him I hope he's feeling better. I entertained the idea of calling Grace to find out how things are but then thought better of it. Obviously she didn't want me to come to the hospital, as the communication was very weird. It went like this (this is the short, paraphrased version):

ME: I would like to come to the hospital and support you. Let me know a good time to come and anything you need.

HER: They still have him sedated I can't use my phone in the room.

ME: Do you need anything? I hope all is well. I can come by and just keep you company.

HER: They are going to wake him up tomorrow I'm going to try to get some sleep.

ME: I would have liked to come to the hospital but I'm leaving today.

HER: Yeah I would have loved to have seen you but I'm reluctant to leave Alphie's bedside.

Hello?! Avoidant, anyone? It was like we were having two different conversations, I guess because Grace would have really liked to have said, "DON'T come," but she doesn't have the courage for that kind of confrontation, so it was like communicating with an airhead. Which she is not. She is very, very smart, except maybe in the area of choosing boyfriends, but, whatever. I'm suspecting there may be some anger there, as Grace holds everything in and then gets really pissed that you don't read her mind.

Hence, my reason for just writing to Alphie and sending him a good wish. I'm sure he's all right and I want to be nice, but at the same time I am sick of all these dynamics, and this thing with Grace is just another example of what I've had enough of. I'm sure they can take care of themselves.

Well, that's all for now.

Love,
Duck

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