Dear Diary,

Not much to say. Just wanted to check in and say hi-

I'm still at my parents, which is fine. I have this bad habit of sleeping really late here though. It might partly be due to the depression, I don't know.

Although I am in a place of more compassion, I have been feeling kind of bad the last couple of days. But I am trying to keep busy, going out to lunch and visiting with some old friends. I go home tomorrow.

I made plans to go to LilyB's for New Year's Eve. It will be a quiet night but that's what I wanted. Red is disappointed that I'm not going to the huge maniacal party with him, but I'm just not interested in that- noise, chaos, and being lost in a crowd. The last few months have been really hard for me; and I have been doing a lot of internal work. I'm not ready to burst out into the world yet and party party party. Actually I have no desire for that at all, plus the superficial struggle to answer questions about where is my boyfriend? Gosh that is more than I can bear.

And even though I know things that I've already mentioned, i.e. M's little journey has nothing to do with me, he's having a hard time, etc. I'm still feeling sad. I'M having a hard time.

I realize that in this realm of experience (relationships) I have trouble trusting that I can have what I want. So I guess that's something to work on when I get back to my appointments. Meantime I will just have to ride out the feeling train.

Love,
Duck

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