you never know [ 2008-01-05, 1:07 p.m. ]

Dear Diary,

It occurs to me that I should clean things up around here... as usual my housekeeping has declined to the point of embarrassment.

I sort of made a resolution, that I was going to wear makeup everyday. I have never been too picky about that stuff, or my hair, which is kind of wild. I am usually always concentrating on something else, determined, running to the next thing, figuring I will get to that cosmetic stuff when it's important, like on a date or something.

As a result I've been caught many times in public looking quite unsavory, and seen by people I wish I hadn't run into. And once someone told me that they overhead someone else describing me as "that girl who doesn't wear any makeup". Jeez! Is that bad, or good? It doesn't sound good.

I had a friend who, even though she had two young children, would make sure to get up every day and get dressed, and put makeup on. Her reasoning was, "You never know!" and she always looked fabulous. I guess it makes sense, because once you have kids, it seems easy to let some things about yourself go, and then you never bother to do them anymore.

I decided I didn't, especially at this time in my life, want to be walking around looking like a mess. Granted, I feel like a mess, but I am looking fairly svelte and in-shape physically, and I just never know who I'm going to run into, or when someone will want to take my picture, or something like that. Or, who knows? When I will see M again. And one certainly doesn't want to be running into one's UndescribableBoyfriendPerson, or somebody who would enjoy seeing one look crummy, say, an arch enemy or ex or horrible boss CF or anything like that... so one better damn well have some makeup on. I've even been trying to do things with my hair, though not very successfully.

My apartment is another story. Sometimes I think, what if I got my wish, about wanting to be pursued, or wanted, and M suddenly showed up on my doorstep? I wouldn't want to let him in. There's clothes all over the floor and nowhere to sit. Kind of shows you my internal state, no matter what I look like when I go out. And don't even get me started on the bathroom.

So I'll be working on this a bit today. I've already done my morning pages and my self-care meditation. I started working on my list for the healer on Monday. I still have to work on my taxes and also do laundry, which is always a major deal. But at least I can organize that.

Then I'm supposed to go to a party... which I'm actually really looking forward to.

So, onward.

Love,
Duck

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