Dear Diary,

Slept in, mightily, today. I think I am exhausted from a week of not taking care of myself properly, staying up too late and just in general not making good decisions. Need to go back to my list on how I planned to improve upon taking care of myself...

Now I am lying in bed and not quite sure if I'll be doing anything of value today- feel like I should go to dance class, but truthfully money is getting a little tight, and I'm feeling weird about how much I am spending. I might go back to therapy appointments only every other week, which I know my therapist won't be happy about. But unless work picks up, I should really reign everything in... And that's another thing, I could stay home and work rather than go out, and maybe I would accomplish more.

Undecided about that. Woke up feeling a bit better, but it has indeed been a rough week of missing M. I really don't know, at this point, what is going to happen. It's a constant excercise in letting go and learning how to like myself in the process. Time just seems to be crawling by, I don't remember time ever moving so slow!

I did call a couple of people today and left messages about getting together tomorrow. ZZ for lunch, and my friend Oscar for tomorrow night... he's always saying he wants to make me dinner. Hopefully they will call back and have the day open.

Yesterday LilyB gave me a massage. It was great but oftentimes after a massage, I am just aware of how tight my body is rather than actually feeling relaxed! It's weird. Afterward I felt sad, and I went to get something to eat. I was kind of sitting there feeling sorry for myself, and Tom called. Tom is a friend of Red's, and it turns out he was very nearby. He said, "Something just told me to call you. Do you want some company?" Ten minutes later he was sitting beside me in the cafe. We talked for a bit, and I told him about the situation with M. I guess my guardian angels sent Tom to listen to me. He was very loving and supportive, and it felt good to have him there. We talked about loving and nurturing myself and what that looks like, and lots of other stuff.

Just something interesting that happened to me yesterday....

Later.

[previous] [next]