Dear Diary,

Next time I say I just need to stay home, because I'm tired, or I'll get more work done, or something like that-- just don't listen to me. Ignore me completely, and make me go out.

That's what I should have done. I should have gone to dance class, instead of staying in all day. I got a minimum of work done, but the majority of my time is spent feeling shitty. It's a downward spiral.

I did find a website on healing after a broken relationship. I scanned the articles briefly and even ordered a book online.

The only time I went outside was to go to the store- the air felt nice. It's not good for me to stay inside all day. I really need to fill up my life a little bit more. Here is an excerpt from the website I mentioned:

"It seems that when you are busy doing other things and involved in living your life, the very thing that you kept hoping for, magically occurs. Anyone waiting for a phone call knows that as soon as they leave for a second, the phone rings. When you just sit and wait for that phone to ring it never does. So my advice is to get on with your life as if he is never coming back. If he doesn't come back, at least you haven't wasted your life waiting for him. If he does come back, you will have gained valuable life experiences during that time that should help you in the future."

Well said, and this one:

"Make the time count when [you see him]. Act happy, independent and busy with your life. Act like someone who he'd want to have an affair with. Do not be depressed and needy. I don't care if your heart is breaking, don't let him see that side anymore. When he says it's time to leave, say, "Okay, thanks for coming by", and seem anxious for him to leave or better yet, the next time, you make it a point to cut the visit short because you have plans. The point is that your behavior has been so predictable and I'd like you to be UNPREDICTIBLE. Then he'll start to wonder what's going on. Maybe you've met someone? Have an air of mystery to you. Compliment him, talk to him, treasure the little time you have together and make it count, then sweetly kiss him goodbye. No accusations, no making him feel guilty, and no pathetic, or sad behavior. The more fun you are to be with, and a pleasure to talk to, the less time he'll want to spend with [anyone else]."

Right now I am a big sad sack of poo. This is not going to work. I need to keep working, dancing, and yes, even form some new kind of social life- maybe take a new class or just get in some kind of activity where I can meet new people who will enjoy me...

So away I go.

Love,
Duck

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