Dear Diary,

A minor victory today, getting out of the house. For one thing, I was up until about 6am, reading. I just couldn't fall asleep, and decided I would get some reading done. It's great because I'm reading a book on how some people control others, by invalidating their feelings and defining them and such. I felt like it was so much about my experience with Alphie- how when I don't do or say the right things, but actually have my own feelings and thoughts, he is quick to point out that I'm wrong, or at least something is wrong with me. He, of course, is never wrong, and is perfect. The book has really given me a good perspective on why I always get so upset when I am around him. He lacks the ability to relate, and probably doesn't even realize he's doing it, but it's just not healthy for me to be exposed to all the time. (Yes, we know that). Of course this goes for all kinds of crazy people I have been exposed to over the years, including CF.

So, I got up after noon, with the intention of at least going out to the library and picking up some more study materials. I talked to LilyB, and my friend Keith, who thought I was ignoring him. I was, a bit, just because I was dealing with my shame around the separation with M, and not wanting to hear anyone else's opinions- but I guess I am in a better place now and able to talk to people. Keith seemed relieved that I had nothing against him personally, and very supportive around the work I am doing for myself. He really understands that sort of stuff.

Then I met up with Red, and his friend Albert, and we had dinner. It was delicious because I hadn't eaten anything all day! Red wanted to go to the movies, but I have several things to do tomorrow- yes, I work on Sundays sometimes- so I had to opt out. Albert gave me a ride home. He's a strange bird; Red likes him a lot and seems to think he's quite personable, but I don't find Alb easy to connect with.

At any rate, here I am again, organizing things for tomorrow (and procrastinating, of course-) with lots on my plate, but feeling very inspired about some work things, so that's good. The conversation with Keith really cheered me up, as he reminded me that any one of us can change anytime we want, and we all have the ability to create what we want in our lives. That just makes me happy.

Okay now I'm really going to make sure I have everything I need ready for tomorrow- want it to go as smooth as possible...

Love,
Duck

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