Dear Diary,

Hi there. Took a nap for an hour and a half. Was so tired when I awoke, of course I tried to talk myself out of going to dance class. But then I remembered how shitty I feel when I stay home, and I really need the exercise and the distraction.

So I got ready pretty fast and went to class, and once there I was glad I did. Even though I am exhausted from very little sleep, and by the end of the two hours I just couldn't keep up anymore... I felt like I did something good for myself, like I connected to my body, and that I got out of the house. Go, me.

There is a dance workshop coming up the first week of February, and Steffy wants to go. At first I keep telling myself that I don't have the money, and I can't just do everything I want. But, it's not like these workshops happen all the time... and it would be really good for me to go- so I'm going to try to make it happen. But only if I can stay at a friend's- Stacey's brother lives in that city, so I called and left a message to see if Steffy and I could stay with him. Bold, daring, and frugal, that's me.

I've also decided to make a list of things to do, beyond just self-improvement, but some more adventurous things that will make me feel good about myself. Taking a motorcycle safety course is one. I really want to do it. When I was nineteen I was in a motorcycle accident, and afterward, had some fear (not about getting on a motorcycle as a passenger, necessarily, but about driving one). So I would like to do something that requires me moving through my fear- maybe to show my mind and body that fear doesn't rule my life. I've looked it up online, and there are these courses everywhere. It's just a matter of showing up, they slap a helmet on your head... and away you go, I guess.

I'm also thinking about getting a nose ring. I think you can get away with more these days, and even though I work with clients, I have dark skin, wild curly hair and an exotic look and people don't normally mess with me when I try something just a little bit different.

That's it so far... I'm sure I'll keep adding to the list as I go... tomorrow afternoon I'm going to Oscar's house for lunch, I'm working in the evening, also Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Monday I go back to see Kate again and Tuesday to therapy. So at least one task everyday... not bad. Despite being tired, in this moment, I am actually in a pretty good mood.

I guess it's really important to keep dancing.

Love,
Duck

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