Dear Diary,

Today I have been feeling pretty good about myself.

I love that I am good at my job, and that my clients are satisfied and happy. I love that I am smart (I didn't always- most of elementary school I was teased for being too smart and in advanced classes- "the brain"). I love that I can see both sides of a situation and the underlying themes, and bring them to light. I love my ability to find creative solutions to problems.

I love that I am strong, and that I take responsibility for myself around most things. I love that I am excited about learning and wanting to be the best that I can be. I love that I am unique.

I love that I have my own apartment, and that I am independent in that way. I love that I can come home on a Sunday after a meeting, put my pajamas on, and get into bed and watch Scrubs for hours. Hooray!

Yesterday I worked hard, a full day presentation- about eight hours. By the end my throat was sore and I wasn't feeling well- a little dizzy and weird. I thought it might be my period coming on, but then I realized that speaking for long periods of time can actually dehydrate a person quite easily. So I've been drinking lots of water.

After the presentation I went to Emily's goodbye party. She is moving, because her job offered her a position in another location. She will be many thousands of miles away from me. I'm wondering if her decision to accept the position was influenced by the fact that she will at least be closer to Strange Greasy Guy... but it's hard to know. The party was fine, lots of food, wine (which I didn't drink) and fairly interesting people. I was already tired when I got there, and stayed a long time- figuring that I should, seeing as how Em and I have known each other so long, and it may be quite a while before I see her again.

Although I was fine with seeing Emily last night, I still seem to have some weird resentment toward her. It doesn't make any sense, really... she has always been very giving to me... and truthfully, I actually owe her several hundred dollars. Which she never says anything about. But I am wondering if there is some other emotion underneath? I would really like to figure this out.

I don't understand it. This resentment, and awareness of anger, more and more, and what I do with it (or don't). Should I tell Gail about how she pissed me off? I find myself avoiding her because I resent her pushing her opinions on me. Also, Tamara promised she would show up at my presentation last week, and didn't. Although I should know better, because when Tamara says she's going to be somewhere- there's about a 95% chance that she's not going to show up. But it's irritating nonetheless. Is all this anger taking up space in my life? It seems to be so. I guess I need to do something about it to clear it up, and it may be one of the scariest things for me- confronting people on how I feel when I get mad. I guess I just don't know how to manage the feeling, so it's new territory for me.

More to learn. It never ends.

Love,
Duck

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