Dear Diary,

I woke up this morning, and for the first time since all this has happened, I actually felt ANGRY at M. Wow. Where did that come from? I don't know. I guess I imagine that he has it easy, that he never thinks about me, and that he just ran away. I kept thinking about all these "signs" I should have paid more attention to, signs that pointed to the fact that he just wasn't ready- wasn't completely over his ex-wife, or able to be in a healthy relationship. So then of course the anger goes back on me, because I should have seen that. And some anger about some stupid stuff he did, that didn't make me mad at the time but does now. So I punched my pillow and old feelings came out and I find myself saying, "How could you ignore me?" and as you know we can apply that to good old Mom and Dad too.

An okay day- went to see Kate, and it was a good session. We worked on feelings of anger and several other issues. It seems like I'm definitely getting stronger and believing in myself more and more, as a lot of the things I think that I will test weak on, I actually test strong. By the end, I felt very calm, very much at peace. I always feel really good when I go to see her.

Had a short break to have a good meal- I just wanted something decent and balanced, healthy, with vegetables- and I was willing to pay someone else to make it for me. Some might call it financially irresponsible... but you know... a girl has to do what she's got to do.

Then off to do a presentation, which went okay. I got a call from one of my clients who I have become close to- his girlfriend just broke up with him, today. No warning... they just went on an 8 day vacation to a tropical paradise... and then she broke up with him a couple days later. He told me she said she was under a lot of pressure, going through a divorce, moving, etc., but I think there's more to it than that... it being so sudden and all. My client just sounded like he's in shock more than anything else... I've been there. So I extended as much as I could to him and I'm going to lend him the book I just finished. I have a feeling that a lot more emotions are going to be coming down the pike for him.

And I'm just sitting here, at my computer, and sometimes I am just... wherever, floating around in my own head, and I come back to the realization of "Oh yeah, I'm SEPARATED, and that SUCKS." But I guess the good news is there is space in between thinking those things.

I just felt a sense of peace today, maybe I am getting better. Maybe not. Maybe I've reached the calm before the storm. Only time will tell.

I wish I had something good to eat.

Love,
Duck

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