Dear Diary,

Well last night I read through several entries over the past couple of weeks, and I noticed that the difference in the way I've been feeling since I've started listening to the brainwash CDs have been palpable- I really do feel much better, a huge change from one week to the next.

Today, I only felt bad when all that was in my mailbox was a phone bill. It made me a little sad, because I guess there was hope there that I would get some kind of something from M, even if it was a little something that told me I was being thought of... but that's not the case. I just kept releasing the feelings around it, and I guess I can do some more, since I still feel disappointment.

But I like this feeling of not being completely ruled by my emotions, that they have to control me, and hang around, and limit me. I like being able to let go of things, and feel a bit more centered.

I also like chicken a lot lately, I'm not sure why. I just keep buying those rotisserie ones at the grocery store, and they are giving me great pleasure. Probably because I don't know what else to buy, and they're already cooked, so I don't have to do anything. That's a very attractive thing for me. Oh and skin. Crispy chicken skin is very attractive. As something to eat, not necessarily something to wear, or be.

What else do I like? Well, I'm not sure. I like that I went to bed at midnight last night and slept for almost 12 hours. It sure beats still being awake at dawn, and then feeling like my whole day was wasted.

I like sunshine, and I haven't had a whole lot of that lately. But, I feel confident that I can manage my business and finances to the point of being able to take some kind of vacation in the near future.

Also... I like chocolate. A lot. But I haven't been eating lots of sugary things, so that's good. However, thankfully, you can still buy chocolatey things that don't have white sugar in them! Hooray for science!

Today I went to therapy, and I don't know if anything was accomplished, because it really doesn't feel like it. But another part of me says every step counts, and I know that even just having the AWARENESS of this control thing, is an important step in healing it. So, hooray for me.

Then I went to meet with a new client, and I have a very good feeling about him. So good things happening for work.

Home again, and no special Valentine's deliveries or anything like that, but, more letting go to do... it will all be okay. Whatever happens.

[previous] [next]