Dear Diary,

When I get really critical of myself, it comes in the form of hating my body. I'm in relatively good shape, of course not perfect shape... but I really just get harsh on myself. I start hating my skin, finding imperfections, and feel too out of shape. I compare myself to younger women, and even worse- women on television. It is like an express elevator on my downward spiral.

There's lots of things to do to get in better shape, and I know my sleeping and food are two of them. But this is indicative of the way I reject myself- I am looking for any excuse to do so. It's interesting because I find myself walking through the grocery store and looking at couples together, saying, "Well, she's not perfect and he loves her..." "That guy's with that woman even though she has wrinkles..." It's like I have to prove to myself that love is about more than looks, and somebody will love me for what I have inside, not necessarily what I look like outside.

As I said, I know it's just a symptom of my low mood and how I can doubt myself.

For now, my mission is to just love myself.

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