Dear Diary,

Well I am just a mushy ball of discontent. Blah.

Intense dreams this morning- followed by an appointment with Kate. I filled her in on the new developments, and we talked about feeling okay that M opened up to me seeing other people, all that stuff. Usually I feel really good after visiting Kate, but I'm still kind of bummed.

I hung out with Steffy for a bit and we mostly talked about her job. She's thinking about changing jobs, and needs to move, so it's no wonder she doesn't want to break up with Matt. Might be too many changes in one month!

We got a quick bite to eat and then I came home. I find myself making lots of calls, and that usually means I'm lonely and not focusing enough on myself. I spoke with Russell, and he informed me of several of Alphie's recent antics. Not that I care anymore, but Russell was really upset by some of the things Alphie has done. Apparently he's making tons of money- I know I have been jealous of that in the past, but I'm not sure how I feel about that part. I'm just sick of his shit. I told Russell that I love Alphie, but he is addicted to drama. In one of the books I have been reading, it talks about how children of alcoholic and/or abuse parents get addicted to drama, and usually have a lot of crises in their adult life. Well, that pretty much describes Alphie. And I realize that when you hang with Alphie, he is always kind enough to share his drama with you.

Even Grace has been a component in this- she was trying to pull me into their continuous life drama with that whole thing about suggesting I do the work of communicating with him.

Done!

Russell admits he has been pulled in so many times, but he and Alphie have been friends for years and years.... decades.

Anyway, that was that. Whatever. Alphie can have whatever kind of life he wants- I know money doesn't make people happy... and I'm sure a lot of it will go to drugs and whatever.

I miss M. That's my problem. I hate that we are good people and we have this huge thing between us. I don't know if we are as dysfunctional as everyone else, but I guess it doesn't matter. (Sigh).

Welcome to apathy.....

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