Dear Diary,

Not so much to say. Had a little bit of a stress-out today on my way home.

Luckily nothing is on the calendar for tomorrow so it can be a day of rest. I don't even have to work. I know it is St. Patrick's Day but I just think that is a stupid "holiday" anyway. People getting drunk, whoo-hoo. Like we need more unconscious people in this world.

I was so hungry when I got home and B took me out to eat. I started to tell him about the soul reading but something stopped me from telling him all the information she said about M. I guess I felt like he would warn me against believing and thinking that I was just going to hold on. I don't know. I know nothing is written in stone- granted- but I am also wrapping my brain around understanding that this is his journey and letting go for that journey. And, instead of waiting, knowing that this is great love and it is real and continuing in the flow of my life. I don't know if it makes any sense, but I guess it doesn't have to-

It is mine and mine alone. One of the mistakes I make, I think, is finding something magical and then I try to show it or explain to other people that don't understand it. So somehow they end up squashing it. This is something very special for me, the validation of this soul connection I seem to have with M. I know it doesn't necessarily mean that we will be together in this life- I know that nothing is written in stone because we all have free will in this life. But it is nice for me because it validates some very deep feelings and experiences that I've had with him that are like no other. So to have somebody squash that with their words... would be like watching someone grind their shoe into a delicate flower.

I just don't want someone to come and destroy the way I see beauty. I am allowed. I am not kidding myself. I know it doesn't guarantee anything. But it is special to me. I know people that love me would be tempted to say, "Yeah, but..." and "Don't believe in that!" because they believe that their opinions will save me from getting hurt. Without realizing that THEY are hurting me far worse. So I started to explain to B about the soul reading and I just heard in my head, "NO" no, don't tell him. So I told him a few details but not much, nothing about M.

Maybe that is the inner voice that I have been trying to develop, that intuition I've been trying to hear. Maybe I'M protecting myself for once. That would be nice.

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