Dear Diary,

Well, it was my day off, I guess you could say... I didn't do much. Went for a walk, ate some food... had cramps later in the day. That was also an unpleasant factor during the weekend- getting my period on Saturday. Not the time when I am feeling best, and certainly not the time to try to squeeze myself into my skinny jeans and see my ex-boyfriend.

Oh and I forgot to mention another thing... turns out Craig WAS giving me the cold shoulder. I determined this because right before I was leaving he said, "Duck I called you twice this month and you didn't call me back."

Now I honestly don't remember receiving a call from Craig this month, and I told him so. I asked him if he had left a message (Because truthfully if I see his number on my caller ID, I don't pick up. And lots of times he doesn't leave a message. I'll only call him back if he leaves one).

Well he insisted he did leave a message. When I asked him what he said, he said, "Oh I was like, hey Duck, what's up, this is Craig..." oh like he just called me to say hello? He was acting all upset like I really let him down by not calling him.

Lest you think I am a complete bitch, here is why I don't answer the phone when Craig calls: he is annoying. He doesn't call EVER to check in with me or to find out how I am... he calls for free therapy. He calls to tell me when he is having a fight with Gail, or having a hard time, or needing some kind of encouragement or information... he calls to complain and whine and wheedle solutions to making Gail happy or this or that...

And, when he's not doing that, when I see him in person he is bragging about how incredibly intelligent and evolved he is... very arrogant... he likes to talk about how he is better than everyone else at work, and once told me, in all sincerity, that M was not enough of a man to match him or be his friend. Even this month at the training he lectured everyone else in the training about how they would do well to follow his example.

I know this irritating, arrogant mask is probably just compensation for that scared, unsure part of himself... however...

I don't have the TIME, or the ENERGY, to deal with this. Somehow, I got hijacked- Craig assumes that because I am Gail's friend, I am now his friend too. And that gives him the right to call me and now his problems are my problems? I don't think so.

Gail and Craig have pretty bad boundaries in general. Gail has a very big mouth, and tells her girlfriends EVERYTHING she thinks about Craig, on the phone or in person, while he is in earshot. She is not afraid to say anything to his face about how she thinks he is inadequate or less than or whatever else. He gets to hear all her judgments, all the time. And, she has no tolerance or compassion for Craig's vulnerability... she can't deal with Craig when he is unsure of himself, so she really doesn't mind when he calls all her friends and whines to them... in fact, she seems to think it's not unusual or a problem whatsoever. She is relieved that she doesn't have to listen to it.

But the weirdest thing for me is that Craig actually thinks I am his FRIEND... how do you tell someone that you are not their friend, when they think you are? The whole reason he doesn't have any friends is because of this annoying behavior!

He even said, "Well, I kind of let it go because I know you were going through some stuff with M..."

Uh, excuse me, "let it go?" Why do I need Craig to do me any favors, and "let anything go?" Like I actually owe him something. And he would do very well not to bring up the subject of M, as far as I'm concerned that is a no-touch topic for him. I swear if I have to hear one of his judgments or opinions about M, or me, or anything in relation to that subject, I can't necessarily be responsible for what I will do or say...

At first I went to my old pattern of wondering how to fix it, because I can't stand to have anyone mad at me. I thought, well maybe I should call Craig out of nowhere this month to make him feel better. But then... I thought... wouldn't that open up a whole can of worms... it would always be the same... him taking and taking and me giving free therapy from my already depleted stores of energy.

And then I thought I could tell him- I could tell him about the imbalance I feel and about his annoying behavior. But I realize that even if I told him, he doesn't have the social skill to fix that.

And then... the perfect solution... I don't have to do anything. Maybe Craig did leave a message, and I didn't call him back... yeah so what. Because I'm not actually his friend... and maybe he feels bad now and that means he won't call me anymore. The problem has fixed itself! And if he does call and leave a message, I can always dial him back when I know he's sleeping- Gail and Craig go to bed early.

Whatever. It's not my problem. And I have to stop making other people's problems, my problems.

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