Dear Diary,

Well it has been an interesting couple of days. I tried to update yesterday but for some reason my entry didn't take...

I only got a couple of hours of sleep on Friday night... and I mean only a couple. I did well for the day though- worked all day without feeling too bad. But about 6pm I suddenly crashed. I had gone out to dinner with a group of old and new colleagues when suddenly I just felt awful!

I might have gone home after my work day but I met a really interesting guy- he and I have a similar background in training, and we were talking about all the intracacies of our work- it was fascinating since it's not everyday that I meet someone who is so passionate about speaking the same language. He is also extremely funny, and did not try to hide the fact that he thinks I am incredibly smart and somewhat attractive. I know- but unfortunately, he is engaged. He did at one point say, "Are you seeing anyone?" and I said no. I thought maybe he was asking because he had someone in mind that he could set me up with- but later I asked him why he had asked me that question, and he said, "Because it seems like you should be." I laughed and told him I agreed, but unfortunately my last relationship didn't work out.

When I came home last night, I was feeling pretty down, because here I had met an interesting person but of course he was unavailable. I just had that feeling that I get sometimes, that I will never meet someone, that I am always the "odd girl out".

I spoke with Keith and he assured me that it is ridiculous for me to think that I won't find someone- he said I just have to really "unhook" from M, and sure enough something will happen for me.

I tried to visualize a giant hook "unhooking". And I really don't know what else to do but that. You have to admit, I've really been working hard.

This morning when I woke up I was pissed- I can't even remember about what- I guess the thoughts of M and the same old stuff. So, you know the drill- more hitting and screaming. Very severe.

But I felt very calm all day. I went to the second half of my conference. There was another guy I met yesterday whom I found mildly attractive... and it seems overnight that my attraction for him grew. Now that my new friend Drew, the engaged guy, was obviously out of the picture, I definitely noticed Aaron even more. At the end of the day, I decided to drop him a hint. As everyone was saying goodbye, I went up to him and said, "I have to tell you, that I really like your energy." He said he liked mine too, but I could probably tell... we then had a short conversation which was interrupted by another woman coming up to say goodbye after the conference. Then he seemed to get distracted and that was the end of that.

So I don't know if that made the kind of impression I would have hoped- the kind that says- "I like you and I'm available." How much more obvious do I have to be? Him saying that he likes my energy too seems like a positive sign, however, after we got interrupted it didn't seem like he made any effort to say goodbye. I thought that maybe he was interested in woman who talked to him after me- she was French and very pretty. Then I really started doing a number on myself and doubting myself- however, I tried to stop myself from doing that- that's a bad road to go down! Everyone gets a list of contact information when they leave the conference, so I guess I will just have to trust that he's not an absolute idiot and he got my hint.

I know it's dangerous at this time to get "hooked in" to anybody else.... am I really "unhooked" from M, or am I still giving off some kind of needy energy? I'm not quite sure. I read somewhere that you know you're ready to date when you don't "need" to date!

So, I don't want to go to those needy places. I'm just going to let go and trust that if it's meant to be, it will happen. Nothing ever happened with Nate, the guy I met on the bus... and nothing ever happened with HC, the guy I went out to dinner with... so I guess, in those instances, I just wasn't ready. I think I'm further along now, in a different place, but I'm not sure about how ready I might be.

In any case, I think I should trust that if a man is going to come into my life, there is nothing that can keep him away from me... I shouldn't have to work for a guy to like me. I've already given Aaron enough of a hint... and if he's not smart enough to take that bait, then most likely he's not smart enough to be with me.

And the positive is, I have found two men whom I'm attracted to in the last two days! That's pretty interesting... pretty different... so maybe something is changing for me.

Maybe I'm not completely unhooked, but I'm getting there. Happily, I thought of M very little this weekend, and when I was connecting with these guys- not at all! So it looks like I am starting to move on.

Hooray for me!

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