Nobody knows that some days I don't even leave the house.

Nobody knows that sometimes I stay home in a slump until it's time to go to work.

Nobody knows that this morning after working a few hours, I lay in bed and watched a couple of movies. The second one was a chick flick- "In Her Shoes"- and it made me miss my grandmother. And for that I cried... a lot. It wasn't the movie, or the story, I just miss her... I don't know, a person who loved me for who I am? That's what she feels like.

I guess I just feel lonely. I haven't talked to Red in a couple of days- when last we spoke, I mentioned my anxiety and he started quoting Eckart Tolle. While I know all that work is powerful, sometimes when someone tells you that they are in pain, a response like that feels more hurtful and minimizing than anything else... it's just not the right time to mention about being in the NOW. Perhaps a more compassionate thing to say would be, "I'm sorry that you're hurting, what can I do?" and later- "I think you might like this book, recording,"etc...

Whatever. I am tooooo tired to figure anything out. I am just on my journey and part of my journey is honoring my feelings, even if others don't.

Must sleep.

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