Dear Diary,

Not much exciting to write. Class today and it was good. I always ask a lot of questions and sometimes I feel embarrassed, but, I figure I am paying my money and I should get what I can out of the course.

A lot of driving and traveling in the last couple of days. And a lot of hard-to-handle feelings, from apathetic numbness to deep sadness. I don't know what the next step is for me. I guess I am always trying to figure that out, and maybe there is nothing to do, really, at this point. It might be about one day after the other, and that's it... sometimes I think, "what will I be doing next year at this time..." and that's a partial relief because I know some time will have gone by... but my time span is getting longer and longer since I have been saying that to myself for awhile... oh in three months... okay three more months... things will be better... and maybe now they are better but I am just not quite out of the woods yet? Hard to tell. I suppose I have my good days, if I am sometimes attracted to other men and thinking like that...

Important not to rush it, for sure. I want to make sure I have all of this out of my system before getting involved with someone else... it really seems quite necessary... in the meantime what to do? Just keep working, I guess, and moving forward, and then something MUST change...

As much as you are probably sick of reading about this, I am sick of writing it.

Love,
Duck

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