Hi Diary,

I'm so sleepy. Dreams anyone? Of course! Weird ones, but now I might have the order all screwed up.

But the different parts: one, being in the back seat of a car as my mother was driving, and my grandmother (who has been dead 12 years) was in the passenger seat. My mother and I were having an argument. I had forgotten something, or needed something, but she refused to turn back. She just told me how selfish and horrible I am, and how she does everything for me and I do nothing for her. (Hmm. How like life!) I can't remember my grandmother's attitude. Usually she is so loving to me in my dreams, but I can't remember if she was on my side or not. When we stopped she did get out of the car and gave me a couple pairs of earrings- big hoops.

Then in another dream or a part of this one (is there any difference?) I was in a big house, maybe staying with friends? I'm not sure. But I walked into a room and woke up a baby- two twins were sleeping together... so I picked up the crying baby out of this swing-thing... went into another room and heard this horrible noise. When I went back, the second baby was swinging out of control, dangerously fast, so I grabbed her too. This woke the lady of the house, and she came out and seemed very annoyed, I told her what happened and she said what happened to the second baby was her own fault, because she had touched the controls and made the swing crazy like that.

At some point in dreaming I was also taking care of little dogs, and feeding them "milk" which was really more like mayonnaise, I would squirt it on the floor and they would lap it up. Serena was there at one point watching, and I was worrying about her judging me and this crazy mayonnaise-milk thing. Then one of the puppies tricked me by shedding a little pile of curls which looked just like mayonnaise milk but when I went to touch it was just fluff.

Huh. So, that is what my brain does after working 10 hours on very little sleep... I do notice some themes though, like about all the mother figures... my mom, the lady of the house, and Serena... two of them disapproving of me and me worrying about Serena doing so. Me taking care of two of something- two babies or two dogs? And the way the lady of the house blamed the second baby (these babies were probably 6 months old or so) about what was happening to her... I am not the second child, but I am the second girl in my family. And I think, I'm not sure, but my grandmother gave me two pairs of earrings. Anybody know anything about the number 2?

Remember months ago when I kept pulling cards and the number 2 would come up?

It's hard to feel good when I feel this tired. Emily wants to meet for dinner again, and I was supposed to stop by Steffy's new apartment. But I feel like I have a hangover. Both physically and emotionally. I'm going to look for another hypnotherapist, because I really don't know what to do.

Today I feel the urge to do something destructive and useless, like try to search for M on MySp@c3, or even look at FMM just to make myself feel bad, or even call M and hang up. Please tell me how bad this is for me so I will not do it!

Just for today, I need to eat something, be nice to myself, and take it easy.

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